End of an Era

Nineteen years ago I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I had just turned twenty years old one month prior and was somehow ready and up for the task of this whole crazy trip called parenting. I had no idea at the time that I would someday have five beautiful children. That I would love being a mother with every fiber of my being. Or the amount of true joy and sometimes sadness I would feel and carry with me every single day moving forward for...well, I am just assuming here...the rest of my life! Today I am here to share a silly moment that marks the end of an era for me. Maybe you can relate.

Today I have officially packed up all of the Little People Fisher Price toys that I have been collecting for and playing with my children since my precious first baby boy was growing inside of me all those years ago. They have served us well. I knew when I bought that first set back in 1998 that these were going to be keepers. If I bought this whole collection today I would probably spend around $500. I remember growing up with the same brand of toys with my brothers when I was a child. In fact, my mom still has some of our old sets from when we were kids and I have witnessed my children, nieces and nephews enjoy them to this day. They are solid and timeless. Not all of the toys that have been through our home are worth saving. Some we give away, some we sell. There are a few other items we have that will eventually be saved, too. So what's the big deal then, you ask?

I am saving these specific toys for my own grandkids to play with someday. When they come to my house...Grandmother's house. This is the first set being saved for this very purpose. As I sat here sorting and packing and removing all of the batteries (getting them ready for what I truly hope to be a nice long period of storage...here's looking at you teens!) I couldn't help but feel a little strange in the pit of my stomach that I have reached this stage of my life. So simple yet so weird at the same time. I knew this day would come...but...it's here now. My youngest are four year old twins. They could maybe play with these a little bit longer. But seriously, there is no shortage of toys around here. The holidays just passed and we really have to make some room for the new. Big boy toys. My babies are no longer babies. I am not having any more babies. Onward and upward.

Maybe this means nothing to you. But to me...it's internally a big deal. I am all out of babies. I am almost done with diapers (one of the twins is still holding on to those, ugh). Sippy cups are going away this month. I...just...wow.

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Unrelated...Hi there! Thanks for stopping by. It's been a while since I have blogged and that's okay. No idea if and when I will have the time to do it again...but I am hopeful for 2017 and the possibility of getting back into the swing of writing again. I have dabbled over in my other blog(s) but haven't written in here since October 2015. Whoa! Truthfully, I miss the writing. But life got busy and super serious there for a while. When I really wanted to write about something I just couldn't because it was about things I didn't feel good about sharing publicly (I even had to go back to edit and remove some old posts). Many deleted drafts. Whenever I would start writing about something I felt like I was lying by having to leave out truths and candy coat situations. It just didn't feel right. I took a break.

I started this first SuperMom blog on December 13, 2011 after my husband surprised me with my very first laptop computer. Brand new and all for me! Since then I have written over 88 posts and have had almost 33,000 hits. I am proud of this blog. I missed it. I didn't write in here at all in 2016. Life truly ran away with me. No promises but I do hope to get in here a little more this year.

Now my life is crazy busy but in a good way. I have many things I wish I had the time to share...if I can only find the time. Two personal businesses, a new non profit, motherhood and marriage going well, volunteering efforts, new puppy, fun trips and the amazing-ness that was 2016! So much has happened. We'll just have to wait and see. Bring it on 2017 and a very Happy New Year to all of you. Cheers!

There's No Such Thing

Image from: http://www.christelow.com/five-little-monkeys-jumping-on-the-bed-by-eileen-christelow.html

...As a perfect day. At least not when you have five kids. Maybe if you just have one kid...maybe. I wouldn't know though so for now I will just assume...and whine a bit.

Oh, but I try. Some days I feel it stronger than others. Of course I want to be a great mom every day. I want my kids to be happy and feel loved and special all of the time. It's a mom thing, I'm sure. But this morning, standing in the kitchen, feeding the three littles their breakfast, staring out the sliding patio door at the sunny bright and glorious morning it was turning out to be I thought to myself, "Let's get out and do something fun today!" The teens are off of school. My preschooler is off for the day, too. We could all go, the six of us...to...the Como Zoo!! Yes!

So, I proceeded to pack a picnic lunch for my brood (because seriously, feeding six people at the zoo is sooooo expensive!). I also packed the diaper bag as quietly as I could so that the toddlers woulsn't see me. If they catch me they will freak out, start yelling "Bye, Bye!" repeatedly and throw their shoes and jackets at my feet constantly, for however long it takes to really be time to go "Bye Bye." Not an un-stressful event.

By this time it is about 9:45 A.M. and I decided that it was an okay time to ask the teens to get up even though it was a no school day and I really try not to wake them up unless I have to. Family time is a good enough reason in my book sometimes. So, teen number one got up no problem. Teen number two rolled around with an arm over his eyes, blocking out the hideously beautiful rays of sun shining so annoyingly through his bedroom window and mumbled in a pathetic little voice over and over, "Why?" I smirked, as he couldn't see me, and said, "Because I love you. I love you so much that I want to take you on a picnic so...get up." He rolled around some more and as I was leaving his room I heard him mumble something along the lines of, "Ugh, don't love me that much." Ha! I retort, "Oh, but I do, My Love. I do. Time to get up!"

Five kids awake, fed and nearly ready. What?! Yup. By 10:30 A.M. we were all in the car and on the way. I was admittedly on edge for the drive whole because my twin toddlers are car pukers. The worst. Driving anywhere that is a half hour or more away from our house is always a risky situation. Sigh. So, I watched them like a hawk all the way there, ready to pull over and catch some vomit at a moments notice. Luckily, we made it to the zoo without incident. Whew!

I had also decided to be brave and bring no stroller. I repeat...No Stroller! The twins are two and a half years old. I wanted them to use up lots of their pent-up-being-stuck-in-the-house-all-winter-long energy while also learning to listen and follow me in public. This could have gone horribly wrong but...it didn't. They were total champs. Or as they prefer that I call them..."Big Guys."

The zoo was not busy at all. We got great parking. The kids got up close with any animal they wished. It was amazing. I knew going into this venture that it could have been the complete opposite. A day off of school and it was almost 50° outside for maybe the first time all winter long. As a Minnesotan, I was shocked but in a good way. It was probably one of the best trips to the zoo with my kids that I have ever had. Truly.

We even made it all the way back home afterwards with no vomiting, although I had taken off their jackets and kept the windows open a bit trying to keep them at the perfect temperature. Looking back on what I have written so far really magnefys to me that I have so many things to think about all of the damn time. Like one of those plate twirlers of the old variety shows. It can feel like that sometimes. I also know that I am only remembering some of the day's details. Ah well. I am sure most people quit reading this ridiculous account many paragraphs ago.

Image from: http://outoftheash.com/2014/07/

We got home at around 3:00 P.M. and everyone was still pretty happy. One teen ran off to play basketball with a friend and the other one down to his XBox. The three littles played nice in the toy room until 4:00 and I decided the twins needed a little quiet time in their room while I started dinner. They were only mad about that for a couple minutes. No biggie.

I found a batch of chili that I had frozen a while back and chose that for dinner. Nice and easy after a long day out with all of the kiddos. Threw in a couple trays of fries, why not? Chili Cheese Fries it was with hardly any cooking effort.

I go to check on the twins at 5:00 P.M. and Z had fallen asleep but not E so I brought them both back down to the toy room. I didn't want Z to sleep too long and be up all night but, he actually stayed asleep even after I brought him down so I just let him be. He slept through dinner. My first sign that the night was possibly taking a turn. But at that point I think maybe I can still keep it up. I was exhausted but wanted them to be happy still so I decided that we should go to the YMCA since Z slept so late. It is their favorite place to go, after all. That way Z could use up his energy so he would still go to bed at a normal time, right?

Halfway to the YMCA and Z started crying that he was hungry, "Hun-gy Mommy. Hun-gy!" The one time I do not pack granola bars in the diaper bag for our trip to the gym. Total bummer. We got all the way into the gym and up to the childcare counter and he has a total meltdown. Lucky for us there is a Subway in the building so I checked in DJ and E and proceeded to sneak back out with Z so that E wouldn't see us. Not an easy task as they are pretty attached to each other, you know, twins and all. I succeded and bought him a ham sandwich kids meal. We sat down, just the two of us, while he ate the whole thing. It was actually a very sweet little unplanned dinner date. He was so cute and very happy.

When he was all finished eating he got excited to go to the childcare room and play. He practically ran all the way there through the hallways. We got in and he started to have another meltdown out of nowhere because he was suddenly very thirsty for water, mind you he drank all of his milk just minutes ago. He couldn't stop crying. E saw us and came over just as I was getting Z my water bottle and then he started to have a meltdown from the other side of the wall because he wanted water now too. It didn't end. They just kept crying and we all had to leave. Z kept saying, "Go bye bye." No workout for Mommy. I had packed up and drove all the way to the gym with three kids in tow for nothing. At least it felt that way. We got to the car and Z started crying that he wants to go to the YMCA. (Insert face palm here) He continued crying all the way home.

As I drove home with the sound of my youngest son crying I though to myself, thank goodness there is a box of wine at home. Then, I immediately remembered that I had to pick up one of my teens from baseball practice at 9:30 P.M. and that there would be no wine for me anytime soon. Ugh! Lol. So, I decided to sit here and write this stupid story and torture you, my readers, instead. So sorry.

Anyway, my point...let's pretend there really is one. Shall we?

It doesn't matter how hard I try or how good my intentions are going into a day like today. With five children, five personalities, five wills, fifty fingers, twenty limbs, five mouths and so very much more, I can not and will not ever make them all happy at the same time. We won't ever have one whole perfect day from start to finish. There is always going to be "something." Someone is going to cry. Someone is going to fall down. Someone is going to hit someone else. Someone is going to have an accident. Someone is not going to like the food. Someone is going to spill. Someone is going to say something mean. Someone is going to puke. But you know what? I am going to keep on trying. I am going to keep on taking them places and trying to give them that perfect day. I am going to pack picnics and wake them up early when the mood strikes me. I am going to keep trying even when I am exhausted. Even when I know how it's all going to end.

Because I am a Mom and that's what we do.

Now, I will go pick up my kid so I can come home and have that glass of wine.

Pick Your Switch

Image from: http://vanriggins.wordpress.com/2012/05/22/discipline-in-kids-ministry/

Pick your switch. My siblings and I heard this line quite a few times when we were growing up. "Pick your switch" meant that we were in serious trouble. We were to head straight out to the back yard and choose which switch (stick of appropriate size) we were to be spanked with. We were to bring it to our parent right away and they would methodically remove the stems and leaves while we watched and waited for our inevitable punishment. Other times it was a belt, a wooden spoon or a ping pong paddle. It wasn't just our parents, it was many kids' parents. It was the daycare provider. A school teacher might even have tried similar at times. That was just the way it was. We're talking late seventies, early eighties and maybe a little longer.

Not all parents chose to discipline in this way back then but I do believe it was a little more of the norm at that time. And before that, when my parents were children, it was a whole lot worse. The discipline that my siblings and I received as children was a toned down version of the discipline that our parents received at the hands of our grandparents and their communities. I believe my parents held back a bit. Trying not to hurt us in the same ways that their parents may have hurt them because they loved us and were making an effort to parent differently. A conscious effort. I believe that our generation is trying to do the same.

I do not spank my kids. I never break out the belt or the spoon or anything like that. I hold no ill will towards my parents for spanking me any which way when I was a child. That being said, I also do not feel that my parents ever crossed a dangerous invisible line. There was no blood or broken skin. They spanked hard enough to sting, to make us cry and be sore for a little while. All in the hopes that we would think hard about what we had done wrong and hopefully get the point and never do the same action again. In my humble opinion, it didn't really work in that way. We very much disliked being spanked but we didn't think about being spanked the next time we were tempted by something naughty. Spanking was futile.

When my oldest two children were very young I attempted to spank a couple of times. It did not work.  I was only using my hand and their cute little butts were covered in clothes or a pull up or whatever. My heart wasn't in it and they probably felt close to nothing. I  actually think they found it more interesting than deterring. It also dawned on me that what I was attempting to accomplish was silly. Just plain silly in a common sensical kind of way. I spend my days teaching my children to be kind and thoughtful, that hitting someone is never the solution and that hurting someone is wrong. And yet I tried to show them right from wrong by hitting them? So stupid when I really got to thinking about it.

When I need to discipline any of my five children now, and for the last maybe fourteen years or so after I wised up, I use different forms of punishment depending on age and the severity of their infraction. We use timeouts, redirection, grounding from different things and for different lengths of time, strongly worded conversations in a very firm tone, reflection on situations and every once in a while a slap to the back of the hand. The hand slap is saved only for those times in which they are about to cause serious harm to themselves or others. If one tries to stick a fork in the electrical socket, they are probably going to get a slap to the hand, one time and not hard enough to do any physical damage. Our choices of discipline seem to be working and I have pretty well behaved children. I understand that not all children, and parents for that matter, are alike. We need to choose what is right for our own family dynamic. At the same time we need to take into consideration the standards of the society in which we choose to live too.

The world is so different now. I am not just talking about how parents discipline their children. We can look at all kinds of things that used to be done differently back in the day. Car seats and seat belt safety. Work place safety regulations. Equal opportunity employment. Government operations. Prescription drug studies and distribution. The list literally goes on and on. What am I getting at? The blatant truth here is that we as people and as a society are constantly evolving and learning from our mistakes. Just because something was done a certain way say fifty years ago does not mean that it was the right way. We learn and we change and we move forward more educated and most times safer.

That being said, I am also aware that we are not all born with common sense. We are not all born with a self awareness and will power or even the ability to see things within ourselves that we would like to change and then to follow through with it. If we could all do that then the world would be a much different place. And this right here is why we have ever changing rules, regulations and laws. Someone needs to step in at times to help those who do not see the damage that they do. Kind of like the whole somebody-ruined-it-for-everybody thing. Silly example but long ago I worked for a popular restaurant chain and we, the employees, were allowed to stay after work and have a couple cocktails if we wished. That is until somewhere, in some other state, an employee had his couple cocktails, went home, decided climbing a ladder for whatever reason was a good idea and then fell off said ladder causing serious injury to himself. After that, nation wide, we were no longer allowed to stay and have a drink after work. The restaurants way of protecting us from ourselves and probably themselves from a big lawsuit. Right or wrong, this is just how the world works.

As for my opinion on the whole Adrian Peterson Fiasco? What he did was probably wrong. I say "probably" only because I do not know the whole story. I only know the bits and pieces that I have read about here and there in the media. And of course the swarms of comments by regular folk with their ten cents. Honestly, I do believe in the whole innocent-until-proven-guilty thing. So, I am going to sit back and let the authorities do what they need to do to solve this situation. I have to have faith in them because I choose to be an American and live in this country. If we ever feel they are doing wrong by us, venting on Facebook and the like is no way to make a change. Just sayin'.

While we are on the subject of Adrian Peterson and his lapse of judgement when spanking his young son with a stick and causing physical harm, allow me to add some perspective of my own. The only reason this is such a big deal is because he is famous. He is famous and got caught. Therefore, huge shit storm amongst the masses. Seriously? Take a moment and sit back from your screen. Think about your family, your coworkers, your neighbors, your fellow church goers. Adrian is not alone here. This kind of discipline still happens all of the time, all around us every day and usually behind closed doors. Not always closed. I have come across my fair share of parents out in public who seem not to have a care about who sees them doing this that and the other to their children for the whole world to see. But most of the time they don't talk about it. They don't sit at their desk at work and announce to their fellow office workers that they gave it to their kid real good the previous evening. They tone their story down or they keep the nitty gritty details to themselves and don't share at all. Why? Because deep down inside they know that many of us don't want to hear that and would probably disagree with their choice of discipline. Yet, like so many, they don't have it in themselves to change their ways. Sad but true.

So, yes, what Adrian supposedly did, like so many others still do all around us every single day, is wrong. We can sit at our screens and judge them until the cows come home and our faces turn blue. It won't solve anything. We need to leave the judging up to the judges. That is their job to define where the dangerous invisible line is drawn. And if we do not agree with how he/they are judged than we, as people and as a society, can get up off of our collective asses and make a difference where it really counts. We can lead by example. We can write letters to our government agencies. We can find or create support networks where citizens could get the education and the resources they may need to make a change in themselves. We can do all sorts of things. But judging ain't one.

My Insignificant 9/11 Story

Image from: http://framework.latimes.com/2012/07/19/world-trade-center-july-1986/

September 11, 2001: It was a regular ol' morning during my former life. I had recently decided to go back to college starting in late August 2001. I was a young mother with two sons ages three and one. I was still with their father at this time, living in a tiny two bedroom apartment in a not so great part of town. I considered myself an average American and still do. Just living life, day by day, hoping for the American Dream someday.

My long time boyfriend was already gone for the day, either at school or at work, I really don't remember. My boyfriend's brother's on again off again girlfriend came over in the morning to watch our sons while I went over to the local community college for my morning Biology class. I was, of course, too busy to turn on the television in the mornings. I drove to school listening to a CD in my car instead of the radio. Arriving at school just before class began, I cut straight through the courtyard and into the Science building without stopping in the cafeteria for my usual morning cup of cheap coffee. Class began at 9:00 AM. I remember my professor was just a couple minutes late. Hindsight has me guessing he had just found out about the attacks in New York and kept his poker face on for us, the students, keeping us in the dark for almost two whole hours so we would concentrate. Class was done right around 11:00 AM and I swung by the cafeteria before I headed home.

It was not even lunch time yet but the room was completely packed...and nearly silent. The chairs were full and all pulled up near the televisions. Students and staff sitting completely still and staring open mouthed up at the screens. I stepped closer, tentatively, to see what the big deal was. I remember feeling nervous in my stomach. It didn't take long to catch on. The news channel just kept playing the footage over and over from different angles. I only stood there for a couple of minutes and each time they showed the planes hit the buildings all I could think was that they were showing us people dying, over and over. Those buildings had been full of life. Everyone had already shown up for work that morning. I was instantly nauseous. Usually, in a situation like that I would change the channel, wait to read the news story or forget about it all together. I prefer not to watch people or children or animals being hurt in any way if I can avoid it. I do not condone it's excessive coverage and try not to support these kinds of stories in any way. But this day...this day was different.

I didn't stick around to eat and study in the cafeteria that day. I got in my car and drove home to my babies as fast as I legally could. I turned on my own television and was slowly educated on the tragic events of the morning. I hugged my babies more than usual. I was consumed by the news for the rest of the day, into the evening and then the wee hours of the next morning. I cried off and on. I didn't know anyone involved. I was crying for the strangers lost, the families left behind and the new world we were sure to be heading into. Far away news stories don't usually effect me like that. Still, I cried for my own children and for the unpredictable world I raise them in.

Fast forward thirteen years. Does that event still effect me? Yes. Yes it does. Today is the anniversary. If I had my way today, my family and I would be hiding. I would have asked my husband to take the day off of work. I would have kept all of the children home from school. We would have stayed home and had a nice day together, hiding away from the world and it's hideousness at times. But that is no way to live. I can't live that way. I would never make my family live that way. I do not feel like this every year but the world is still not at ease. Especially in recent months. ISIS claims that they will be here soon. They may or they may not. They may be here already. Any which way, I must go on with everyday life. I will not project unhealthy fear onto my family. I will not allow the bad guys of the world to have that power over me. It is truly out of my control. But, I am a mom and surely not the only one who has crazy thoughts now and again, however out of our control the situations may be. We lay awake at night and think of everything. Everything.

So, why bother sharing my insignificant 9/11 story? Because I am convinced that I am not alone. I am not the only American mom or parent that has thoughts like these. Not the only one who lays awake at night hoping and praying that my children never have to experience a day in the world like 9/11. I am not the only one who on a day like today almost doesn't let go of the child they are about to send away on the school bus, off into this crazy world that keeps us on our toes. And definitely not the only one who counts down the minutes until their children and their significant other makes it home at the end of the day, unscathed and unchanged. I just choose to write about mine as it helps me get through days like these.

So, in remembrance of those lost and those effected, here's to you and to us and to them. I will never forget.

(Note: The photo I chose for this post was not from that day but still represented what I wanted it to.)

Me Soup!

I make stuff up. As a parent, I mean. Always looking for creative ways to keep the day on track and the kids as content as possible. All in the name of parental sanity. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not the only one.

When my teenagers were little there was a time where they both decided they no longer liked bath time. Ugh. I am not exactly sure why. They take many more baths in the summer time when they are outside getting good and dirty more often. It wasn't like baths were a new thing around here. They didn't seem scared really. Maybe it was a control thing. Maybe they were just testing me out. But, I was getting so tired of the battle most nights. One night a light bulb came on in my head and that is when I started playing 'Me Soup'.

There is an old Shel Silverstein poem called Me Stew.

Image from: http://lynnerickardsauthor.wordpress.com/tag/shel-silverstein/

My kids knew the word soup better than stew so I went with that. I remember saying something along the lines of, "That's it, enough, up to the bathroom, I have an idea." Trying to get them all excited for their bath. I gathered up a pile of toy vegetables and such from their toy kitchen area and made a quick stop by the kitchen for a couple of wooden spoons from my utensil drawer. To the bathroom we went. To play 'Me Soup' in the tub. And it worked!

Now, they already had a bazillion bath toys. Kids get bored, though. I have found that it is better if I rotate the toys in and out of their worlds every so often so that they find them exciting and like new again, each time I bring them back out. This game was just what they needed to adjust their kid-skewed outlook on bath time.

Today, fast forwarding quite a few years, my twin toddlers were cranky as all get out and I decided 'Me Soup' was the answer. They got to play it for the first time today. It was great!

They both had a very good time and cheered up significantly. Whew! My morning has been saved.

I do not have pictures of the other thing I used to do for my second son. Back when he was younger, and 'Me Soup' was old news to him, we had Disco Bath Night. He had one of those plastic disco balls in his bedroom. I brought it into the bathroom with us and plugged it in on the opposite side of the bathroom, far from the tub for safety purposes, along with his radio. We turned out the lights and he took his bath while we listened to some tunes and fun colored lights glowed all over the bathroom. That one was a big hit, too. Like I said, whatever gets us through the day sometimes.

I would love to hear any of your fun bath time ideas. Feel free to comment and share how you stay sane at bath time. Bye for now!

Bulk Breakfasts for Your Back-to-School Kids

School is back in session, full swing. We, as parents, are crazy busy and anything that makes the mornings run smoothly is a win-win situation. I would like to share with you something I tried out last year that went very well. Today I decided to do it again.

Now, in my home I will admit that most mornings we do cold cereal and milk. You know, the good ones, the sugary ones, the ones in the bright colored boxes and bags. My kids love them. I know I aspire to be a super mom so please don't judge. Ha! I cook for my kids all of the time. Healthy balanced meals and all that jazz. I can be quite strict about it actually. But for breakfast, most of the time, I let them have a little fun. Sometimes they want a little something more, though. With five kids all getting up and eating at different times throughout the morning, dragging my tired butt outta bed to make a big fat breakfast for the whole fam damily just isn't in the cards for me. So, here we are.

A couple hours tops and you can make home cooked breakfast foods that are super fast and very easy. You can serve your little ones within minutes or the bigger kids can get it for themselves. Who doesn't want that?!

Today I decided to make French Toast and Egg-A-Muffins. I will probably get to a couple batches of banana pancakes later today also. I did not invent these recipes, obviously, but I did name the egg one for myself because I have no idea which website my dear hubby got the original recipe from in the first place. He found it back when he was on a P90X kick a couple of years ago and I thought these were down right genius.

For the French Toast you will need eggs, bread, a splash of milk, a dash of salt and some cinnamon. You will need approximately one egg for every two slices of bread. Today I used a dozen eggs and was able to make twenty five slices of French Toast.

Beat together all of the ingredients, except for the slices of bread, in a shallow container. Dip each slice of bread, coating both sides of the slice with the egg mixture and place on a greased or non-stick pan (I prefer to use my electric skillet for these). Heat until cooked through flipping them each once.

Allow the slices to cool completely and place them in a freezer safe zip lock baggie or airtight container of your choice.

The kids can take out a couple slices in the mornings and put them right into the toaster. So easy. My kids like syrup on theirs. But, when my kids were little I didn't allow them to have syrup yet so I would spread a thin layer of applesauce or any of their fruit jarred baby foods. They all loved it.

I used white bread today because that is what I happened to have in the cabinet. If you are looking for a slightly healthier option, use wheat bread instead. If you want it to be an extra special savory treat, use cinnamon raisin bread. It is so tasty. I pick up a loaf whenever they are on sale at the bakery of my local grocery store.

And now the Egg-A-Muffins! Yummy! You have your protein and possibly dairy and vegetable groups covered with this one. I find it easiest to do at least a dozen at a time. For this you will need a dozen large eggs, a splash of milk, a little salt and pepper and then any meats, veggies and/or cheeses of your choosing. Today I used diced ham, onion and shredded mozzarella.

Beat together the eggs, milk, salt and pepper. Add the diced meat and vegetables if you are using any. Using a 1/2 cup measuring cup, scoop and pour the egg mixture into a greased muffin pan (do not use paper liners). Be sure to scoop some of the meats and vegetables into each one as they can sometimes sink to the bottom of the bowl.

Sprinkle one or two tablespoons of shredded cheese onto the top of each one. I highly recommend placing your muffin pan onto a cookie sheet just in case any egg batter dribbles over the edges. I really hate cleaning out my oven. Bake at 350° for 40 minutes. The tops will be nice and round and golden delicious.

When they are done, allow them to cool completely and then place them into a freezer safe zip lock baggie, same as the French Toast.

When you are ready to enjoy one (or two or ten), just microwave one for 45 - 90 seconds, depending on if they have been thawed out or are still frozen. Again, so easy!

What I especially love about this recipe is that the filling choices and combinations are endless. Sausage, crumbled bacon, ham, peppers, onions, all the different kinds of cheese. Have fun with this one and make what you like.

So, now I am off to do the same with banana pancakes. My kids can pop them right into the toaster too. I hope you found this helpful and that your kids enjoy some hearty home cooked breakfast foods every once in a while! Love all around!

10 Things I Want My Teenaged Son to Know Now That He is Dating

My first born, my oldest son, soon to be sixteen, officially has his first real girlfriend. I got this. I have been mentally preparing myself for this for most of his life. Otherwise, I might just have been a wreck. I know deep down in my heart that I have raised a good boy, a good person...a really good man. But, I am a mother to the core so now that the time is in the here and now, of course I have some last words of wisdom for him as I send him out into the world for his next chapter of life. These words are for him.

Image from: http://www.teenink.com/art/photographs/48447/Love/

Remember the Little People

New love. Young love. So easy you will fall. Into it. Deep into it. Just remember that there are still other people in your life that need you and love you. Balance the times with your girlfriend and with the rest of your family and friends as best you can. You will not be able to spend every single day with her and that needs to be okay, with both of you. Time apart will be good for you both and the relationships you already had in place need to be nourished and cherished too. You will still have school and homework, sports and other extracurriculars, mutual and different friends. Perhaps a job soon, too? Be balanced.

Don't Forget Who You Are

Stay true to who you are. You are good and you are decent. Do not try to change for someone else ever. Do not allow someone to cause you self doubt. You will both have things in common and other things that are not. It is okay to not enjoy all of the same things together. That is what everyone else in your life is for. Share your time and your interests with many and all of your relationships will flourish while not losing yourself in the process. Be you.

Your Happiness Matters Too

You get to be happy too. Your gut reactions will be to make decisions based on her: what she thinks, what she is doing, who her friends are, what they will think and say. It may feel like it at times but please remember that she is not the Sun and you are not the Earth that revolves around her. Do what makes you happy and continue to do so. Maybe you like adventure movies and she likes romantic comedies? Take turns choosing what to see. Be happy.

Don't Feed the Drama

I was in high school and I remember all too well what it was like. Sometimes the Drama Monster rears it's ugly head. Do not feed that monster. That monster will eat you alive given the chance. Focus on what is important and real. What you can and cannot control. Who you do or do not trust. Remember what you value and hold onto those things. If someone truly cares about you they will not drag you unwillingly into the clutches of the Monster. Be strong.

Don't Be a Creep

This one goes both ways really. Do not try to control her or change her. When you speak to her do so with kindness and compassion. Don't go through her phone or stalk her Facebook profile. Without trust in each other you have nothing. Trust her to talk to other guys and have guy friends. Feel secure with your place in her life. Never lay a hand on her in anger, no matter how frustrating teen aged girls can be at times. Be in control of your actions and your words. No means no and patience is a virtue. Be virtuous.

Stand Out

Anyone can do dinner and a movie and sometimes it's the perfect date. But, sometimes you can do better than that. Stand out and apart from the other guys. Have fun and try new things together. A picnic in the park or laser tag? A hike in the woods or a day at the water park? Cook her dinner all by yourself. You are young and this is your time to have fun and be silly. Life is short and grown up responsibilities will sneak up on you in a flash. Enjoy your youth. Be creative.

Chivalry is Not Dead

It's 2014, I know. Times have changed more than I can say but that doesn't mean old school is a bad thing. Bring her flowers and open doors for her. Carry her books and borrow her your jacket when she gets cold. Rub her feet and hold her hand. She can be as independent as she wants to be but a little love, attention and care from the guy she's into will mean a whole lot. Be that guy.

It Might Not Last

No teen wants to hear this, I am aware. I was there once upon a time. But it is the truth just the same. You may get your heart broken. This may actually happen many times and it is completely and totally normal. Yes, some first loves make it and live happily ever after and that is sweet and special in it's own way but most likely there will be many girlfriends and loves throughout your life. Each will be it's own thing and teach you new things about yourself. Your heart will break and become well again, with time. I will be here for you each and every time with a dry shoulder to cry on, a Hershey Bar in hand and an open mind. You will probably get your heart broken. Beware.

Love Your Future Children

And my future grandchildren, to be frank. We've had the talks. I have been preparing you for years. You are a good boy and I know it in my heart. But, love is blind and sometimes all consuming. Remember these words. I prefer you abstain from sex. I am not saying abstain until marriage because sex is too important in a marriage to not be sure. But before you go there you need to be pretty darn sure that she is the one for you. Birth control, and contraception in general, are not 100% effective. Think of the life you wish to give your future children. Think of the life you wish to lead. Think of the girl you love and whether or not you would trust her explicitly to raise your children with all of your same values, principals and wishes. If you have any doubts, I beg of you, do not have sex with her. There are soooo many other things you two could do besides real sex. Protect, respect and love the children you will have someday. By being responsible in this way you are already one step ahead in the game of parenting. And if you absolutely can not wait, trust me to listen, understand and send you out the door with what you need to do things safely. Be prepared.

Someday, Someone WILL Love You More Than I Do

I have always heard the opposite but I do not agree. Some say that no one will ever love you as much as your own mother. For you I hope differently. I adore you. You are everything to me. I am proud of you. I live my life for you and your four younger siblings. But, someday you will find the one. I hope for you all of the love and happiness a guy could have. Someday you will leave home and some other day you will make a home with someone else. You should be so lucky to have the love and adoration of an amazing woman and wife. A blessed life. A true partner forever. I hope she loves you more than I do. Be loved.

Love,

Mom

Some Days...

Some days...they really try my patience. I try not to loose my cool. I take deep breathes. I step away for a moment. I redirect their energy. I talk in a sing-song happy voice. I do it all. Sometimes I snap.

I raise my voice. I might slap a hand if there is danger. I put on my angry face. Sometimes they persist. Sometimes it feels like there is nothing more I can do...to make them happy. To make them get along. To make them stop the high pitched incessant screaming. Timeouts be damned.

So, I take them to their room. Mommy needs a break. They need a break. My brain needs a break.

Suddenly, I begin to bake cookies. It will make them happy. It will make me happy. And if they aren't...then I'll know it's not me. 'Cuz what kid doesn't like some freshly baked cookies?! At that point, what more could I possibly do? And at least then there will be cookies.

Image from: http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/04/chewy-low-fat-banana-nut-oatmeal.html

I Will Miss You

As we sat together, just the two of us on a rare and special date, I watched you eat a popsicle, cherishing each and every bite like it was the best thing you had ever tasted; red and blue melted popsicle dripping from your chin. It was all I could do not to cry while sitting and watching you in a little booth at the Dairy Queen. In that moment, it all hit me so hard and I have been meaning to write this for you.

My dearest daughter,

I will miss you. I know that you are not going anywhere, not anytime soon at least, seeing as you are only four years old. But I will miss you just the same. I am blessed to know you and proud to be your mother. Everyday I wonder and hope that I am doing right by you, my only girl in a sea of brothers. I can relate, as I was raised with five brothers of my own. I guess we were destined to be, two peas in a pod. A pod of testosterone that we must wade through together, you and me kid.

Why am I saying that I will miss you? Because I know that our time together gets closer and closer to an end with each passing day. Time is flying by, slipping through my weary fingers like sand. Maybe I squeeze a little to tight sometimes, trying to hold on to as many grains of that sand as I can. Then I remember that I am supposed to let the sand slowly slip away and hope I let it out in all the right places.

I know I loose my temper sometimes. I know I get stressed out and that it is not your fault. You went from being the little baby princess in a house full of big people, the apple of our eyes, the highlight of our days to being the middle child and a big sister to baby twin brothers all in a day. We have our good days and bad and I need you to know how very much I love you. I love you as much now, if not more, than the day you were born; a freezing cold evening on a Blue Moon that I will never forget and cherish forever. You are still my princess. You are still my apple. You still brighten all of my days.

But you are changing, as you should. You are no longer my sweet little baby girl that I wished for for forever. As much as I adore the little girl you are blossoming into, I will miss you and all the little pieces of the past you. I will miss holding your tiny body in my arms and the smell of your freshly washed baby hair. I will miss humming in your ear while I sway you to sleep, rocking side to side, hip to hip. I will miss picking out your clothes and cutting up all of your food. I will miss you running through the sprinkler in the yard in just your undies, without a care or a worry because you don't know yet the kind of world we live in. I will miss the way you eat your favorite foods with gusto, never worrying what others think or that you have food on your chin. I will miss the way you can't tell a knock-knock joke right to save your life. I will miss standing unnoticed outside your bedroom door while you play and make voices for all of your little stuffed animal friends. I will miss the day you stop carrying around your most favorite raggedy stuffed polar bear everywhere we go. I will miss your need for me in all your precious ways.

I will also miss all of the not so fun parts of you, like when you scream at me and slam the doors. I will even miss when you bicker with your brothers and have an accident in your underwear. I will miss the way you tell me you hate the dinner I cooked and that you like the hair on my butt. (She was not talking about my butt ;-) I will miss cleaning up after you when you are puking sick. I will miss telling you "no" all of the time and you making it seem like I ran over your puppy each and every time I utter that tiny word. I will miss being shot with the daggers from your eyes, piercing me through the heart every single time.

I will miss all of these things, both the good and the bad, because it is all part of the journey of being your mom. These are the things that make it real and I am grateful to share them all with you. This journey that I wish would last a little longer than it should. A journey that I try not to take for granted, but know I fail at miserably here and there. I need you to know how very much I love you, forever and always, no matter who you are or who you become.

And I am looking forward to the rest of the journey, the twists, the turns and everything in between. I hope you are, too.

Love,
Mom

How to Feel Like a Kid Again: A Letter From my Twin Toddlers

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Bye. Hi. I am Z and this here is my twin brother, E. Hi. We noticed Mommy's tushy has been dragging a bit lately; she is on the higher side of thirty after all. Seeing as we are wise beyond our year and some months, we thought we would take a moment to give you all some tips and tricks to help unleash your inner child and feel youthful again. Who doesn't want that, right?

1. If you see something that you want just take it. It needs to be broken immediately. If you can't take it apart within the first minute or so, it is probably best to bang it on something really hard, repeatedly. If that doesn't work, we suggest throwing it at someone who isn't looking at you or expecting it at all. That is the best.

1. When you sit down for a meal that someone else has cooked for you, make a big deal about it. Put a bite in your mouth using your whole fist or even both fists. This is completely acceptable in public, too. Don't worry. It is a compliment to the chef, for sure. If the food happens to be extra saucy or cheesy, they want you to put some in your hair. Everybody who's anybody knows that is what the extra sauce is for. And if you do it just right you will get a bubble bath right afterwards, maybe even with fun colored water and extra toys.

1. If you do not like the food you tasted, just let it fall right out of your mouth, right onto your shirt or lap. You could also scoop it out with your fingers and fling it as far from yourself as possible. If your Mommy is nice, she might hold out her hand and let you spit it into her palm. If she does this, it is best to add a little extra drool to really make it count.

1. Look someone in the eye when you poop. The redder your face gets, the better. You never truly know how someone feels about you until they have watched you poop. This is key.

5. If someone else is getting attention, the only way to get it back on you is to hit them in the back of the head with your toy xylophone. You can pick one up at most toy stores. This will be the most effective way to have all eyes on you. It is super fun.

1. When you are finished with something like a toy or a book or maybe the milk in your sippy cup, drop it on the floor wherever you may be. Someone else is sure to pick it up for you. No need to take all of those extra steps and tire yourself out. If there is any milk left in the bottom of your cup, you will want to shake the cup a lot until some drips onto the carpet...you know, for your homeys.

1. No one wants to be alone, ever. So, follow your favorite people around most of the time. Especially when they are in the bathroom. This will give them the chance to return the favor and look you in the eye when they poop, too.

1. If you are a prankster, like us, you have got to try this one. If you feel a little sick in your tummy, do not tell anyone. There is a chance you will have to go somewhere soon so you should definitely wait until you are all buckled into your car seat and have been driving for a while. If you wait for just the right moment to barf, Mommy makes the craziest face you will ever see and starts driving all wonky. It is awesome. Totally worth it, trust us.

1. When you are in public, like a store or something, and you see something out of your reach that you want to hold, freak out with everything you've got. Yell, flail, whine, drool, the whole shebang. If you have the space, you could even lay down on the floor and kick while you scream. Even if you don't get what you want, or even remember what it was, it will have been so worth it. It is energizing.

1. Be naked. Whenever and wherever possible. Running naked is the bee's knees.

So there it is. By trying out a few of these tips in your boring adult day to day lives, you are sure to feel more youthful or at least be seen as so. Remember that "no" means "yes" and "yes" means "yes" but the only word you really need to know how to say is "no." YOYO! (You're only young once!)

Please DO Hide the Veggies

Image from: http://weestro.hubpages.com/

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that I am not the only parent out there who has one (if not more) picky eaters in the household. Frustrating, right? Over the years I have had to get creative in finding ways to get a little more veggies into some of my childrens' diets. Now, please remember that I am in no way a professional when it comes to dietary needs. I just thought I would take a moment to share my thoughts as a mother who happens to enjoy cooking very much.

1. If you find a vegetable that they like, please let them have it often. Do not use it as a substitute for all other vegetables, though. Keep making and trying new vegetables as often as possible. As much as my daughter loves carrots and would probably eat them almost every day, I know that her little body needs many more nutrients than carrots alone contain. Variety is important.

2. If your child comes up to you at an odd non-meal time and asks for a healthy treat, like a vegetable...stop what you are doing and get it for them. (I do not mean run to the store and buy it quick. Just if you have it on hand already ;-) My daughter discovered that she likes V-8 juice. What?! Yup. I had a pack of the small low sodium cans from Costco a while back and let her take a sip of mine one afternoon, fully expecting her to make a face, spit it out on the floor and be otherwise upset about it for a while. She surprised me. She loved it. She had her own can and has since requested it here and there. Baby Girl wants a V-8? Baby Girl gets a V-8. How can I argue with that?

3. Don't force it down their throats, so to speak. Just keep putting it on their plate. Night after night after frustrating night. They might whine or complain but once they see you are not giving up...they just might take a tiny bite. Key word "might."

4. You should eat the vegetables too, by the way. This will show your child many things. They will see that you are not giving them anything that you yourself wouldn't eat. I have had to explain to my kids many times that I do not cook gross food. I mean, come on, why would I make something yucky for dinner? I don't want to eat anything that tastes disgusting. See look, Mommy is taking a bite. Ooh, mmm, it's so good.

5. On the other hand, I hate peas. I hate 'em. Blech! But I eat them anyway. Everyone is allowed to have things that they don't like to eat. I just prefer they take a fair bite, chew it and swallow before they state their opinion on that. My children know that I have a strong dislike for peas and they see me eat them anyway. They have asked me why I make peas if I don't like them and I have explained to them that peas are good for me so I should eat them. I also let them know that just because I do not like something does not mean that I should not make it from time to time for the other people in the house that do like them. That would be unfair of me to eliminate them altogether.

6. There is a rule in my house. All the kids get a plate of food that is portioned appropriately for their ages. The 15 year old gets a bigger plate of food compared to the 4 year old, obviously. If they want seconds of the parts of the meal that they liked the most than they must eat all of the food from their plate first. They don't get to eat the chicken and the stuffing and skip the veggie and then get more stuffing. If you are hungry enough for seconds than you are hungry enough to eat your veggies, too.

7. Do not be a short order cook. Beside the fact that, "Who the hell has time for that crap?!" I feel it sets a bad precedent. Do it for them once and they WILL remember. "Hmm, if I don't like dinner then Mommy will just make me a PB&J. Whoopie!" Sorry kid, that's not how life works and it's really not that healthy. PB&J's are delicious and all but we probably shouldn't live off them. Just sayin'.

8. Explain yourself. One of my children is the pickiest eater in the whole wide world. Well, maybe not the whole world...but it can get pretty bad. I need him to know that I am not making all of these foods just to specifically torture him for pure parental pleasure. There really is a reason for it all. The biggest of those reasons is love. I love him. It is important to me that I teach him healthy habits for someday he will be all grown up and venture out into the world and will choose for himself what he wants to eat. Why do you need carrots, son? Vitamin A for your eyes. Meat? Protein and iron for healthy blood. Dairy? Strong teeth and bones, my Love. This is all simplified, of course, and there is much more to these foods and groups than these child-friendly explanations...But it's a start to the communication on food.

9. Let them help. Have them help pick out the produce at the store. My kids love to do that. I remember my oldest always wanted to pick out and bag the tomatoes. He knew to check each one for bruises or mushy sections. He enjoyed it very much and was always proud of his picks. Even more so when sweet old ladies would stop in awe and tell him what a great job he was doing helping out his Mommy. If you grow your own, let them help you in the garden. It might be tough having them underfoot sometimes but if they want to help, let them. And cooking. It can be a pain to have literally too many hands in the kitchen, small inexperienced hands at that, but if it helps to get them excited about the vegetables, do it. This is actually something that I personally have to work on. I need to get mine into the kitchen more. I don't want them to be helpless in the kitchen when they move out of the house someday and I told my oldest that it sure would impress the ladies if he knew how to whip up a couple simple dishes like spaghetti or something. He laughed and rolled his eyes a little bit but I am pretty sure I saw a sparkle of interest in his big brown eyes.

10. You'd be surprised at how many meals you can sneak veggies into. This is my favorite way to get the vegetables into their tummies. Seriously, you should try it. Making tacos? Well, why not finely chop some celery, bell peppers, and onions? Throw in a cup of frozen kernel corn and a can of dark red kidney beans while you are at it? It is delicious and way healthier! The kids most likely won't notice because it tastes so darn good. And...bonus...you have just stretched out that pound of ground beef by a lot. Win-win! Try it with any pasta dish, casserole...just try to make the veggies complimentary to whatever you are having.

Maybe you are making homemade soup. You can put tons of veggies in soup. Many veggies get all mushy and fall apart in the broth, but they are still in there. When I make Wild Rice Soup I add way more carrots and mushrooms than the recipe calls for. There is no reason we can't. I do the same thing when I make Zucchini Bread or Carrot Cake and many, many other dishes. I am thinking about sharing more recipes on my blog but I will get to that later.

Here are a couple website links I found that may be helpful when trying out and introducing new vegetables to the kiddos. http://www.choosemyplate.gov/food-groups/vegetables-why.html and http://www.fruitsandveggiesmorematters.org.

Good luck and have fun with it! Peace.

Go Ahead. Make Their Day.

The other night I was baking cookies after the kids went to bed. We needed a couple batches to sell at the lemonade stand and that was just the time it happened to work out for me that day. House all quiet and peaceful, me in my personal space...my zone...the kitchen. No one underfoot, no one yanking on my apron strings saying, "Mommy. Mom. Mommy. Mommy." And so on. It was nice. It was peaceful. The rum and cola on the counter next to me was pretty good, too. I have to soak in these moments as I can get them.

While I was putting away the last cookie sheet full, I heard my three year old daughter in her room above me, moving around a bit. In the baby monitor I could also hear that she was making her usual voices for all her little stuffed animals, deep in conversation, still awake and playing at 11:30 at night. I stood there for a moment looking at the beautiful tray of cookies, perfectly zip lock baggied into groups of two cookies each, ready for sale the next afternoon. I had, of course, made an even number of cookies, forty eight to be exact. It only took a few seconds to say to hell with my undiagnosed OCD, forty six cookies should be just fine. I snatched up a snack size bag of two cookies, still warm and gooey-chewy, poured a small glass of milk and went straight up to DJ's room.

I gently knocked on the door and cracked it open. She saw me right away and was at first a little startled and a worried look flashed momentarily across her sweet face. That look left her face quickly because she doesn't really get in trouble for being up. She is allowed to fall asleep at her own pace. Some days she naps, some days she doesn't. She doesn't have to be up for daycare anymore. I may just have to sneak up and check her pull up or remind her to be quiet and in her bed. But this night she saw me come in smiling. I walked up to her and her entourage of fluffy animal friends and told her that I had brought her a surprise treat and then held out the cookies and the glass of cold milk. I wish I could have taken a picture of her face. That would have ruined the perfect spontaneity and sweetness of the moment so a mental picture will have to do. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and a little half smile on her face, cocked her head to one side and asked, "Why?" Only half caring about my answer. I replied, "Because I love you and I just finished baking all the cookies for our lemonade party tomorrow." That rocked her world. Her smile expanded across her face and she held out her little hand for me to place a cookie in.

And so we sat there, just the two of us, each nibbling sweet buttery cookie and melted chocolaty goodness. We talked about I can't even remember what, but we did. We laughed, we smiled, we hugged. We took turns washing our bites down with milk and giggled about our front teeth being covered in chocolate. She glowed. It was beautiful. I gave her a big hug and kiss, tucked her and all her little animals back in and went back downstairs, I am pretty sure she was asleep within minutes. I will never forget that little bit of time I spent with my daughter, for as long as I live.

I know that this is not something I should do all of the time. I also know that I need to make sure that I am taking blessed opportunities to have special one on one moments with each of my five amazing children. I need to put a little more effort into this side of motherhood. I am so busy and overwhelmed so often nowadays. I need to try harder...but to do so without trying too hard...if that makes any sense. I need to make their day, whenever I can.

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9 Months: A Perfect Storm

Or rather, perfectly stormy. My twin boys are officially 9 months old. I was pregnant with them for almost the whole 9 month gestation. To be exact, 36 1/2 weeks, or better yet, just over 8 1/2 cycles of the big and beautiful moon. An infinite number of things can happen in such an insignificant length of time on this earth. Lives can be completely rearranged, tossed and scattered just like a million sea shells upon the sand. New life can grow and swell in unison inside another living being. Relationships can wane or flourish; they may even experience a combination of the two. Sleep and to do lists can be swept to the side in a tide of new responsibilities and flowing tears of joy and sadness, creeping ever deeper, can consume an unsuspecting soul into their depths. Or, one can learn to swim, even if it is only treading water at times. All that matters is that you can keep your head above water, at least until your tippy toes can touch the bottom or your mind, body and soul become stronger.

The last 9 months have not been a perfect walk along the beach. My husband and I feel like we have accomplished something great together, regardless. We made it through a very difficult time and came out stronger, closer and even more sure of the strength we have as a unit. We made it through. We held each others hands and didn't allow the storm to take us down.

How can I measure the last 9 months? Approximately 255 days, 6,120 hours, 367,200 minutes,  22,032,000 seconds, give or take. I have probably prepared and fed the babies 3,500 bottles, well over 200 cans of formula. I have changed around 5,600 diapers and pull ups and used up 16,500 wipes. I have fixed nearly 300 bumps, bruises and scrapes. I have possibly slept, on average, 5 hours a night, at best. This equals around 1,275 hours, if I am bring generous. I have attended maybe 30 doctor, dentist, physical therapy and optical appointments. I have cleaned the whole house...once? But, have done 250 loads of laundry, 300 piles of dishes and an unlimited number of other household tasks. I have paid over 100 monthly bills. I slept on the couch for at least 3 or 4 months because our house is too small, the babies do not have their own room and my dear hubby has to get up and go to work early in the mornings. I have cried a dozen times...or so. I have raised my voice more times than I care to admit.

On a lighter note...I have given a bazillion kisses and a lifetimes worth of hugs. I have laughed 4,000 times, at least, and smiled thousands more. I have played with my children everyday. I have shown them some new things. I have read hundreds of books and danced around the living room singing along with the songs loudly and proudly, often. I've told many silly jokes and stupid puns. I have tickled and pillow fought with gusto, on occasion. I've saved them from at least 50 spiders. I've given countless bubble baths for hours and hours until their 10 fingers and 10 toes each shriveled up into raisins. I've blown a trillion bubbles and side walk chalked enough to draw a line around the world. I have loved, with my entire being, all day, every day.

In 9 months I have discovered even more about myself. I am very aware that I am as complex as there are drops of water in the ocean. Each day is an adventure, some days better than others. My already wonderful marriage has flourished. Together we are as strong as the tides. The waves crashing against the rocks, slowly carving away, constantly changing the surface, are no match for our love and our strength together. After all of this, I know that we can accomplish anything. 18 months ago we started slowly treading water. We have since, learned to swim.

'Seasons of Love'

By: Jonathan Larson

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes,

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights

In cups of coffee

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure

A year in the life?

How about love?

How about love?

How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes!

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure the life

Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,

Or in times that he cried.

In bridges he burned,

Or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out,

Tho' the story never ends

Let's celebrate

Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love!

Remember the love!

Seasons of love!

Oh you got to got to 

Remember the love! 

You know that love is a gift from up above 

Share love, give love spread love 

Measure measure your life in love.

Yesterday...

...kicked my arse. All I wanted to do was write. My goal for the day was to keep the kids happy, get a few chores done around the house so I didn't feel like a lazy bump for not accomplishing my household duties while I typed nonsense into the laptop, and then spend a relaxing evening in the living room with a big happy family while I did what I was so looking forward to doing. This is not how my day unfolded. By the end of the day I was laying on the couch, feeling nauseous and mentally exhausted, crabby as all get out and being weighed down into the cushions by a general feeling of malaise. I had been beat down.

By what? Nothing in particular; no specific pinpointable thing. It was just a day. I'm sure you can relate. The children were cranky and restless. Most likely feeling cooped up from all the rain and severe weather we have had over the last few days. The older children were nit picking and bickering off and on throughout the afternoon. My referee skills constantly at the ready. My house felt as though it was swallowing me alive. Some days the laundry and dishes and pet hair and everything else feels as though it is closing in all around me, similar to the scene in Star Wars where they are all trapped in the disgusting trash compactor room. Blah!

I tried getting the five kids out of the house to see if this helped their moods. It helped briefly. We took a very long walk through the neighborhoods of our town. I even stopped at the local CVS to pick up treats for us to eat and drink while we walked. It felt all-for-not, in the end. Ah well.

I did some dishes and then, with seven people in the house, the pile just magically reappeared, as usual. I washed and folded laundry for the better part of the day. By the time early evening rolled around and I was feeling beaten down, I had to give up. One load still in the washer and one in the dryer, a giant folded mountain covering the entire dining room table; it would just have to wait. 

Cooking dinner? Forget it. I fed the little ones something easy and the rest had to fend for themselves. Mini pizzas, Ramen noodles, leftover tacos, salads, sandwiches, a bowl of cereal; I didn't care and was in no mood. I ate a bowl of cereal around ten at night even though I wasn't feeling hungry.

My vacuum decided to die. Well, not really die, but needs some maintenance. I guess I need to take it apart, clean the roller, wash the filter, let them dry out and so on. Good grief. It's on the to do list. Maybe tonight even though I don't feel up to it yet. My poor babies are crawling all over now and I'm feeling kinda bad about that. This sucks...or not...get it? Sorry. Lame joke.

I had my oldest son help me put the air conditioners in the kids bedroom windows yesterday, finally. You know, it had only gotten to 84 degrees in their rooms the last few nights. When my daughter woke up immediately asking for a glass of water, I was feeling like a pretty bad mother at that point. But, all is better temperature wise today.

By 6:45 PM I had had enough for one day. I was on edge. I was starting to get very short with everyone. I felt like my face had gone into droopy walking zombie mode. This couldn't have been helping anyone around me. I tapped out, so to speak. All three little ones were put to bed a little earlier than usual. I felt a bit bad about doing this, but I have learned from experience (and some videos they make you watch in the hospital before you can take your baby home) that sometimes it is better to lay them down and walk away before you can do something stupid or potentially harmful. Not that I would ever get to the point of shaking a baby. I am very aware of my actions. But, it is still no good for them if I am in a bad mental place. They all fell asleep shortly after and were "happier". At that point, I laid on the couch, in and out of restless sleep and tossing, while the two big kids took turns playing Skyrim. After a while, I had had enough of that too and had them put in a movie.

To make a long story no shorter, yesterday sucked. I don't want to be a complainer, just venting, I suppose. If you would like me to shut the hell up, just close this tab on your computer screen. No offense will be taken. Today I woke up in a slightly better mood. Feeling a little less ill, anyway. I finished the dishes and the laundry. I baked banana chocolate chip bread for a family potluck we are going to this evening. I am writing, although not one of the many other "fun" topics I really wanted to write about because I am in no frame of mind for my words to come out right. I took a shower, which was probably the highlight of my weekend, so far. "It is what it is." I hate this saying but feel it is truthful at the moment.

Another mom I know said to me a while back, after having a rough day or two with her own children, that she felt bad about feeling so overwhelmed and had thought to herself that "Ginny can do this, no problem, and she has five kids. She is a super mom. I only have two kids and am struggling." I had to take a moment and set her straight. Although I was flattered and admittedly I can put on a good show of having all my shit together but, I have just as many bad days as the rest of the moms out there. I hide in my room and cry alone. I yell at my kids when I maybe shouldn't. I give them junk food for dinner when I have no will or energy to do anything more. I skip going places we were supposed to go because it is just too much work physically and mentally sometimes. I say to myself, in my head, "I'm gonna jump!" I am not a "Super Mom". I never said I was. I do try to be. I give it my best shot within my measly human means, almost every day. I "aspire" to be one someday. But, other days...other days I throw in the towel. I conceded to their madness. I beat myself up on the inside. I am human.

And that is all it is. Yesterday. It is gone, it is over, it is not coming back. That is the beautiful thing about yesterdays. They go away. Today I try harder. Then, I cross my fingers and tell myself, "Tomorrow will be better."