End of an Era

Nineteen years ago I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I had just turned twenty years old one month prior and was somehow ready and up for the task of this whole crazy trip called parenting. I had no idea at the time that I would someday have five beautiful children. That I would love being a mother with every fiber of my being. Or the amount of true joy and sometimes sadness I would feel and carry with me every single day moving forward for...well, I am just assuming here...the rest of my life! Today I am here to share a silly moment that marks the end of an era for me. Maybe you can relate.

Today I have officially packed up all of the Little People Fisher Price toys that I have been collecting for and playing with my children since my precious first baby boy was growing inside of me all those years ago. They have served us well. I knew when I bought that first set back in 1998 that these were going to be keepers. If I bought this whole collection today I would probably spend around $500. I remember growing up with the same brand of toys with my brothers when I was a child. In fact, my mom still has some of our old sets from when we were kids and I have witnessed my children, nieces and nephews enjoy them to this day. They are solid and timeless. Not all of the toys that have been through our home are worth saving. Some we give away, some we sell. There are a few other items we have that will eventually be saved, too. So what's the big deal then, you ask?

I am saving these specific toys for my own grandkids to play with someday. When they come to my house...Grandmother's house. This is the first set being saved for this very purpose. As I sat here sorting and packing and removing all of the batteries (getting them ready for what I truly hope to be a nice long period of storage...here's looking at you teens!) I couldn't help but feel a little strange in the pit of my stomach that I have reached this stage of my life. So simple yet so weird at the same time. I knew this day would come...but...it's here now. My youngest are four year old twins. They could maybe play with these a little bit longer. But seriously, there is no shortage of toys around here. The holidays just passed and we really have to make some room for the new. Big boy toys. My babies are no longer babies. I am not having any more babies. Onward and upward.

Maybe this means nothing to you. But to me...it's internally a big deal. I am all out of babies. I am almost done with diapers (one of the twins is still holding on to those, ugh). Sippy cups are going away this month. I...just...wow.

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Unrelated...Hi there! Thanks for stopping by. It's been a while since I have blogged and that's okay. No idea if and when I will have the time to do it again...but I am hopeful for 2017 and the possibility of getting back into the swing of writing again. I have dabbled over in my other blog(s) but haven't written in here since October 2015. Whoa! Truthfully, I miss the writing. But life got busy and super serious there for a while. When I really wanted to write about something I just couldn't because it was about things I didn't feel good about sharing publicly (I even had to go back to edit and remove some old posts). Many deleted drafts. Whenever I would start writing about something I felt like I was lying by having to leave out truths and candy coat situations. It just didn't feel right. I took a break.

I started this first SuperMom blog on December 13, 2011 after my husband surprised me with my very first laptop computer. Brand new and all for me! Since then I have written over 88 posts and have had almost 33,000 hits. I am proud of this blog. I missed it. I didn't write in here at all in 2016. Life truly ran away with me. No promises but I do hope to get in here a little more this year.

Now my life is crazy busy but in a good way. I have many things I wish I had the time to share...if I can only find the time. Two personal businesses, a new non profit, motherhood and marriage going well, volunteering efforts, new puppy, fun trips and the amazing-ness that was 2016! So much has happened. We'll just have to wait and see. Bring it on 2017 and a very Happy New Year to all of you. Cheers!

There's No Such Thing

Image from: http://www.christelow.com/five-little-monkeys-jumping-on-the-bed-by-eileen-christelow.html

...As a perfect day. At least not when you have five kids. Maybe if you just have one kid...maybe. I wouldn't know though so for now I will just assume...and whine a bit.

Oh, but I try. Some days I feel it stronger than others. Of course I want to be a great mom every day. I want my kids to be happy and feel loved and special all of the time. It's a mom thing, I'm sure. But this morning, standing in the kitchen, feeding the three littles their breakfast, staring out the sliding patio door at the sunny bright and glorious morning it was turning out to be I thought to myself, "Let's get out and do something fun today!" The teens are off of school. My preschooler is off for the day, too. We could all go, the six of us...to...the Como Zoo!! Yes!

So, I proceeded to pack a picnic lunch for my brood (because seriously, feeding six people at the zoo is sooooo expensive!). I also packed the diaper bag as quietly as I could so that the toddlers woulsn't see me. If they catch me they will freak out, start yelling "Bye, Bye!" repeatedly and throw their shoes and jackets at my feet constantly, for however long it takes to really be time to go "Bye Bye." Not an un-stressful event.

By this time it is about 9:45 A.M. and I decided that it was an okay time to ask the teens to get up even though it was a no school day and I really try not to wake them up unless I have to. Family time is a good enough reason in my book sometimes. So, teen number one got up no problem. Teen number two rolled around with an arm over his eyes, blocking out the hideously beautiful rays of sun shining so annoyingly through his bedroom window and mumbled in a pathetic little voice over and over, "Why?" I smirked, as he couldn't see me, and said, "Because I love you. I love you so much that I want to take you on a picnic so...get up." He rolled around some more and as I was leaving his room I heard him mumble something along the lines of, "Ugh, don't love me that much." Ha! I retort, "Oh, but I do, My Love. I do. Time to get up!"

Five kids awake, fed and nearly ready. What?! Yup. By 10:30 A.M. we were all in the car and on the way. I was admittedly on edge for the drive whole because my twin toddlers are car pukers. The worst. Driving anywhere that is a half hour or more away from our house is always a risky situation. Sigh. So, I watched them like a hawk all the way there, ready to pull over and catch some vomit at a moments notice. Luckily, we made it to the zoo without incident. Whew!

I had also decided to be brave and bring no stroller. I repeat...No Stroller! The twins are two and a half years old. I wanted them to use up lots of their pent-up-being-stuck-in-the-house-all-winter-long energy while also learning to listen and follow me in public. This could have gone horribly wrong but...it didn't. They were total champs. Or as they prefer that I call them..."Big Guys."

The zoo was not busy at all. We got great parking. The kids got up close with any animal they wished. It was amazing. I knew going into this venture that it could have been the complete opposite. A day off of school and it was almost 50° outside for maybe the first time all winter long. As a Minnesotan, I was shocked but in a good way. It was probably one of the best trips to the zoo with my kids that I have ever had. Truly.

We even made it all the way back home afterwards with no vomiting, although I had taken off their jackets and kept the windows open a bit trying to keep them at the perfect temperature. Looking back on what I have written so far really magnefys to me that I have so many things to think about all of the damn time. Like one of those plate twirlers of the old variety shows. It can feel like that sometimes. I also know that I am only remembering some of the day's details. Ah well. I am sure most people quit reading this ridiculous account many paragraphs ago.

Image from: http://outoftheash.com/2014/07/

We got home at around 3:00 P.M. and everyone was still pretty happy. One teen ran off to play basketball with a friend and the other one down to his XBox. The three littles played nice in the toy room until 4:00 and I decided the twins needed a little quiet time in their room while I started dinner. They were only mad about that for a couple minutes. No biggie.

I found a batch of chili that I had frozen a while back and chose that for dinner. Nice and easy after a long day out with all of the kiddos. Threw in a couple trays of fries, why not? Chili Cheese Fries it was with hardly any cooking effort.

I go to check on the twins at 5:00 P.M. and Z had fallen asleep but not E so I brought them both back down to the toy room. I didn't want Z to sleep too long and be up all night but, he actually stayed asleep even after I brought him down so I just let him be. He slept through dinner. My first sign that the night was possibly taking a turn. But at that point I think maybe I can still keep it up. I was exhausted but wanted them to be happy still so I decided that we should go to the YMCA since Z slept so late. It is their favorite place to go, after all. That way Z could use up his energy so he would still go to bed at a normal time, right?

Halfway to the YMCA and Z started crying that he was hungry, "Hun-gy Mommy. Hun-gy!" The one time I do not pack granola bars in the diaper bag for our trip to the gym. Total bummer. We got all the way into the gym and up to the childcare counter and he has a total meltdown. Lucky for us there is a Subway in the building so I checked in DJ and E and proceeded to sneak back out with Z so that E wouldn't see us. Not an easy task as they are pretty attached to each other, you know, twins and all. I succeded and bought him a ham sandwich kids meal. We sat down, just the two of us, while he ate the whole thing. It was actually a very sweet little unplanned dinner date. He was so cute and very happy.

When he was all finished eating he got excited to go to the childcare room and play. He practically ran all the way there through the hallways. We got in and he started to have another meltdown out of nowhere because he was suddenly very thirsty for water, mind you he drank all of his milk just minutes ago. He couldn't stop crying. E saw us and came over just as I was getting Z my water bottle and then he started to have a meltdown from the other side of the wall because he wanted water now too. It didn't end. They just kept crying and we all had to leave. Z kept saying, "Go bye bye." No workout for Mommy. I had packed up and drove all the way to the gym with three kids in tow for nothing. At least it felt that way. We got to the car and Z started crying that he wants to go to the YMCA. (Insert face palm here) He continued crying all the way home.

As I drove home with the sound of my youngest son crying I though to myself, thank goodness there is a box of wine at home. Then, I immediately remembered that I had to pick up one of my teens from baseball practice at 9:30 P.M. and that there would be no wine for me anytime soon. Ugh! Lol. So, I decided to sit here and write this stupid story and torture you, my readers, instead. So sorry.

Anyway, my point...let's pretend there really is one. Shall we?

It doesn't matter how hard I try or how good my intentions are going into a day like today. With five children, five personalities, five wills, fifty fingers, twenty limbs, five mouths and so very much more, I can not and will not ever make them all happy at the same time. We won't ever have one whole perfect day from start to finish. There is always going to be "something." Someone is going to cry. Someone is going to fall down. Someone is going to hit someone else. Someone is going to have an accident. Someone is not going to like the food. Someone is going to spill. Someone is going to say something mean. Someone is going to puke. But you know what? I am going to keep on trying. I am going to keep on taking them places and trying to give them that perfect day. I am going to pack picnics and wake them up early when the mood strikes me. I am going to keep trying even when I am exhausted. Even when I know how it's all going to end.

Because I am a Mom and that's what we do.

Now, I will go pick up my kid so I can come home and have that glass of wine.

Seemingly Meaningless

To passersby it would have been nothing. They may not have even noticed. If they had, they may have thought, "Oh, how sweet." or "That's nice." And then moved on with their day, never giving it a second thought. To me...it was everything. It was hard. It was exciting, nerve racking, heart melting and scary, all at the same time. Some of you will get it. Some of you will think that I am being silly. I'm okay with that.

I asked my oldest child, he will be fifteen in a couple of weeks, to take my three and a half year old daughter to the park for a bit so that I could get the dishes done. This was his first time taking her out of the yard, all on his own, and into the big wide world. He did not hesitate. She literally jumped for joy. I try not to place my insecurities upon them. They don't have a clue how I was feeling about it. And how was that, you ask? "Eek!" about sums it up.

My son is very responsible and kind. He is aware. He is trustworthy. My daughter is outgoing and sweet. She can also be very temperamental, sassy and at times, down right defiant. I knew that my son was ready to try and I really needed the help. So, I watched them walk away, hand in hand, down the hill and out of sight, happily together. And I am just fine. Full of mixed emotions, yes, but still just fine. So what's the big deal, Ginny? What are you rambling on about? Are the things you are thinking, I'm sure.

I know it is normal for older siblings to watch younger siblings. It will not be the last time that I ask him to. I also know that I love all five of my precious children more than I could possibly ever describe to you. They are my whole life. When I ask my son to watch my daughter, I will not take for granted what is truly happening. One of my beloved children is keeping the other out of harms way. Not only will he make sure she gets to the park and back safely, probably without falling or getting too badly hurt on the playground...he is also, in a way, putting his life on the line for her. He is keeping her from being struck by a vehicle or snatched by a kidnapper. He would probably place himself in harms way in order to protect her. He would take a bullet for his sweet baby sister. To me, this is a ridiculous thing to ask. Sometimes the feelings inside of me are just too much. I love them both very dearly and I don't want either one of them to be hurt or wronged or taken from me.

When I go out for the evening and my oldest is in charge for a little while, were the house to catch on fire, he would try his hardest to save his four younger siblings and get them out to safety. Deep down in my heart I think, "How is this fair?" and "What about him and his own safety?" He is just as important to me as the rest of them. As a parent, I have to let go of these fears. I have to decide that these thoughts are not going to cause me to shelter the children more than necessary. I can not stunt them because I am afraid. And if, heaven forbid, something ever were to happen on his watch, it would be up to me to make sure that he understands it isn't his fault and to never hold it against him. If the house burned down and he couldn't get in to save them or made the decision that it was too dangerous to try, I would have to trust his judgement...because by leaving him in charge...that is what I am asking of him. His judgement.

I know, I know. These are ridiculous thoughts. The chances of these things happening are very unlikely. But the truth is, I am a mom. Moms worry too much. We over think. We drive ourselves a little crazy when it comes to the love and safety of our cubs. And then...we let it go. We slowly cut the strings and send them into the world to try.

So, the next time you see a kid walking down the street, taking his little sister to the park and then out for ice cream (with his own money, too cute), please know that it is not "nothing." To a mother, out there somewhere...it is absolutely everything.

Image from: http://askmissa.com/2010/10/14/big-brothers-big-sisters-mentoring-a-little-makes-a-big-difference/