I'm Still Here

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Hello out there world! It has been a while since I posted. That happens sometimes, though. Life just gets all busy and I get pulled in a million different directions. My family and I have also been going through some "stuff", for lack of a better word. It pains me that I can not share it with you. That is the fine line I choose to walk as a mom blogger, though. Some bloggers share everything. I choose to keep certain things close and sacred for the sake of my family and respect for their privacy. So, all I can say on that topic for now is that I am struggling mentally and emotionally...but will be OK...eventually.

Any-who...what's new around here? Great question.

Summer is fast coming to an end and school days are right around the corner. I will have a senior, a sophomore, a kindergartner and two three year olds this time around. Unreal. It blows my mind because I still don't feel old enough to have two kids in high school...but I do. We are starting to talk college plans with my oldest while my daughter begs every day to know how many more days until her first day of school ever. Best of both worlds.

I am looking forward to this new school year very much. Before the twins were born I was that mom that volunteered for anything and everything at school for my oldest boys. Even when my daughter DJ came along, I still managed to take on some big tasks for the school. Once the twins were born I had to step back and focus on the home front. Now that they are almost three, I can finally start volunteering again. Room mom, class parties, mystery readers, book fairs and more. It will be nice to get that piece of my life back that I have missed so much. I love being involved and sharing that passion with the children, getting them excited and involved in their school. And with the twins on DJ's proverbial school heels, we have MANY more years of this ahead of us. Yay!

The twins are almost three and have been coined by my second oldest son to be the "Deuce of Hazards". Love it...the name, not the hazards, lol. These two crazy toddler boys get into more mischief and situations than my previous three children do/did combined. Two brains are truly better than one and they prove this to me almost daily. Just for a short example, we have been in our new house about fourteen months now and my twins are on their third doorknob for their bedroom already. What!? Yeah...just a tiny glimpse into my world where the twins are concerned. You never know what you are going to find when you go into their room. Just the other afternoon I went in to get them up after their nap and found them both just chilln' naked in Z's bed, not a care in the world. Happy and free. When I asked them where their diapers went, Z told me they were gone. Well, they weren't "gone" but were shoved into a crack in their race car beds. At least they didn't poop on the floor. Ha! Someday I will get around to telling you all more about their shenanigans. Promise.

My new business is starting out pretty slow, which is totally fine and to be expected. I am in no hurry since my twins won't even be headed to school for another three years. Also, with some of that family "stuff" I mentioned earlier, I have decided to take a couple of weeks off of trying to get it up and running so that I can stay focused on us and not cause myself to have another year like 2014. 2014 and I were not great friends and I will leave it at that. I truly believe that being a personal chef is the right choice of career for me and my family but I will continue to get it going at my own pace, on my own terms. That's what makes it so great, being my own boss. You can get the whole scoop on my business website at www.flavorfare.com!

My GoFundMe charity just celebrated it's first birthday! If you haven't heard about my mission yet, please check it out. Basically, once a month my volunteers and I cook a weeks worth of meals for a local family in need who are struggling with an ill child/family member. With the donations we receive we are able to purchase the groceries needed to accomplish this task. I would love your support or even just a share to spread the word about Food With Love! Thank you.

There are so many things on my plate that I want to share with you but I will save it for a later date. Once the kids get back into the whole school routine and the "stuff" is finally behind me, I look forward to doing so. I have room makeovers coming up, some DIY home decor projects, a few parties to host and so much more. So, please, stay tuned and check back. I appreciate your years of support and am excited for many many more.

 If you would like to keep up with my recipes and kitchen product reviews, you can find those on my sub-blog Ginny Says So.

And I haven't had anyone take me up on this yet but I would LOVE to give it a go! I have an advice blog called Ask Ginny. Check it out and ask me questions. Anything at all. Cooking, parenting, marriage, career and much more. I am at the ready! Hit me with your best shot.

Until next time, have a wonderful week!

My Short Hair Journey of 2014

2014 was the year that I finally had the courage to just go for it. I mean, I had already died my long lovely locks permanent black over a year before because I was very committed to my 2013 Halloween costume...Morticia Addams. If there was ever going to be a "good time" to try out short hair, this was it. After about twenty five years with a similar long hairstyle and at least a whole year of thinking about cutting it all off, it was time to put up or shut up.

I decided I didn't want to shut up. I wanted to do something. I needed...something. Looking back I know now why I did it. It came to me about halfway through this journey. I am always saying no. I am always sacrificing myself for my children and for others...as mothers and many caretakers by nature do. I would not change this about myself ever but I still felt like I had no control, in a way, over anything anymore. Life was getting too heavy and the weight of it was hurting me. By cutting off my hair I was able to feel a kind of freedom that I hadn't had in a very long time. It was almost as if I was being slowly renewed all year long.

Now, I love long hair. It just feels right. When I picture myself for any reason ever...I have long hair. I know down to my core that I will have long white hair when I am an old lady. It is the only way that I can imagine it. But, I have always enjoyed living vicariously through others short hair dos. Other women made it look so cute and effortless. I always thought that with my face shape I would be crazy to try anything too short or drastic with my own hair. But, short hair just looked so darn fun. And if I wanted long hair again someday I should probably hurry up and get it over with so that I would have plenty of time to grow it all back out nice when I'm done playing with it, right?

January 2014

So, here I am, early 2014. My favorite way to wear my hair was a large messy braid to the side just a little. I miss being able to do this so much. I will have it back...but not black. I got that hair color out of my system. Enjoyed it very much though. Made me feel just a little bit more bad ass.

February 28th, 2014

Here is one more just for fun. I like how it was shiny silky straight in this one. Went almost to my chair when I sat. Rockin' the look for my hubby's band gig at Whiskey Junction. 

March 25th, 2014

March 25th, on a Tuesday night, I grabbed a good friend, we went for a shot of liquid courage and then to my (gasp!) hair appointment.

March 25th, 2014

Not that long after...Eek! Enough to donate even. It felt so different and so light. Within one day I could already feel a difference in my neck muscles. A pleasant but unplanned surprise. (And don't look now...But Holy Roots Batman!)

May 2014

About two months later I had my second haircut, about the length to my chin. Went a tiny bit shorter than the first time, which brushed my shoulders. I decided in the beginning to take this whole process as slow as I needed to. I wanted the full experience of short hair but I also didn't want to regret anything and be depressed about my appearance. I mean, come on, as a mother who has birthed five children, there is plenty to be physically unhappy about. I don't need to add my hair to the list. Ha! This second haircut was actually my favorite one from the whole year. It felt closer to the real me compared to all of the other ones...not including my long hair, of course.

August 6th, 2014

I had come that far...and felt braver still. Why not go crazy and expose the back of my neck to the world? This haircut felt fun... and sassy. It only looked this cute for a couple of days though. The amount of time the stylist took in order to make my hair look this good was a little disturbing. I barely have time to brush my teeth every day. There is no way I could keep up with this for any length of time. Seriously. Before this whole short hair escapade my hair maintenance routine was basically to wash it every three days or so and brushing it out after it had dried. Then, keeping the knots and snarls down to a minimum to achieve maximum sexy rock star bed head hair. But, mostly just pulled back in a ponytail or bun because, you know, kids n' stuff.

September 27th, 2014

Now, I was on a roll and feeling rather unstoppable so...bleach blonde happened. Yay! And then I shaved the left side off during the cancer charity benefit I hosted last September for sweet Ashlyne. I am glad that I had already begun my short hair journey by this time because I was able to show my support in this way but also know that if I had still had my long hair, I most likely wouldn't have had the guts to do it for her. Now I had the guts.

October 20th, 2014

Years ago I NEVER would have imagined I would EVER have hair short enough to slick back sexy like Jaime Lee Curtis...but, there I was, getting all dolled up for the Pearl Jam concert with my hubby and thought, "Here's my chance!" I felt like a different woman. And by this time it wasn't just on the outside, but on the inside as well. I had a confidence again. I was getting my groove back. And, I was still so angry with 2014 but, felt like I might just be able to go out kicking. I was...Alive.

November 15th, 2014

Then, November rolled around. The shaved side was starting to grow out a little unevenly and the holidays were right around the corner so...I got one last haircut. One last short do to get me through. Brought the sides closer to a similar length in the hopes that the growing it all back out process goes smoothly. So, there it is.

My journey is complete and I am pleased with the results...not the physical hair results but rather what I gained in knowledge about myself, my strength, my drive. I was not expecting that at all. But what do ya' know? Here I am. A little wiser.

Today January 20th, 2015

"Alive"

By: Pearl Jam

"Son," she said, "Have I got a little story for you

What you thought was your Daddy was nothin' but a

While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen

Your real Daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him but I'm glad we talked"

Oh I, oh, I'm still alive

Hey, I, oh, I'm still alive

Hey I, oh, I'm still alive

Hey, oh

Oh, she walks slowly, across a young man's room

She said, "I'm ready for you"

"I can't remember anything to this very day 'cept the look, the look

Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare"

I'm still alive

Hey I, but, I'm still alive

Hey I, boy, I'm still alive

Hey I, I, I'm still alive, yeah

Ooh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh

"Is something wrong?", she said

Well of course there is, "you're still alive," she said

Oh, and do I deserve to be?

Is that the question? And if so, if so, who answers, who answers?

I, oh, I'm still alive

Hey I, oh, I'm still alive

Hey I, oh I'm still alive

Hey I, oh I'm still alive

Moving to Tears

What I should be doing right now: packing. What I am doing right now: blogging. Why? Because I am on schedule so far and know that the next three weeks are going to be crazy, busy and tiring. Writing calms me, so here I sit. Just for a little while.

We spent the last year and a half preparing our house to go on the market. Silly looking back that we never got to some of those projects sooner so that we could have enjoyed our home in the condition it is now for a little longer. But, isn't that the way it goes? You come in with big plans and grand ideas only to learn a little about your self along the way while life and responsibilities consume you all the while. Yeah, I know we aren't the only ones. We live and we learn.

We learned that we are not fixer-upper kind of people. When we purchased this home, our first, eleven years ago, we were 21 and 24 years old. Feels so long ago and went by in a flash at the same time. We were so young. I remember the excitement and joy and feelings of pride that we were actually homeowners and had something that was ours to call home. Our first real and large purchase together as a couple. I remember getting the keys at closing, after getting hand cramps from the ridiculous number of signatures we had just done, and driving to our new home as quickly as legally possible. We slept on the floor that night, camped out in what became the dining room, happy as clams, just the two of us.

We became a family here. We were able to give my two amazing boys from a previous relationship a normal, stable and loving place to call home. This house is where our real lives began together, the four of us. My husband built deeper relationships with my boys in this house. We got a dog and named her Lucy. (And two cats within the following couple years) The boys were 3 and 4 back then and they have grown so much here; physically, mentally, socially and every other way possible. We have had good times and bad here but no regrets to speak of. I am so attached to this house, as if it too were a part of the family.

I fell in love with my husband, again and again, a hundred times over in this very house. We have laughed together, cried together, had deep and meaningful conversations in almost every room. We have grown together, discovered more and more about each other and made serious life decisions here. He asked me to marry him in this very kitchen. I, obviously, said yes. I planned our wedding here; hand made invitations at the coffee table, filled favor boxes with my boys in the booth, meticulously placed every flower into place with my own two hands and sat at the computer with my soon to be husband for hours burning a large pile of CDs with carefully chosen songs to use as our programs. The limo picked us up in this driveway to begin our honeymoon. So much love has happened here.

I conceived my three younger children in this house. I found out I was pregnant in these bathrooms. I told my husband we were expecting within these walls. I ate so much food and felt the babies kick me a million times while living here. I sat in this living room during the early signs of labor, waiting patiently to go to the hospital, to meet them and bring them here...to bring them home.

We have celebrated countless holidays, birthdays, family gatherings and momentous occasions in this house. I have cooked many many meals and desserts in my kitchen. I could not even begin to estimate the number of people who have been fed here. One of the ways I show love and appreciation is through my cooking and there has been a lot of that. A lot is probably a bit of an understatement.

Music has been made here. Many a local musician and friend has rocked these cellar walls. Life lasting friendships have been formed here, many over music.

There has been a tremendous amount of joy while living here. There has also been a significant amount of heartache. I would not change anything from the past and I am going to be so very sad to leave this home, to let it go. At the same time, there are a couple of things that I hope to leave behind and let go of as we take the next big step of our lives and move on to our next home. The next home that we plan to stay in forever. The next home that, many years from now, our grandkids will come to visit.

It is going to be different in so many ways. It is bigger and better for us as a family and knowing how much we need it makes the letting go a little easier. I know that I am going to cry when we leave our current house in just over two weeks (in fact, I already did a little crying just writing these words). I will probably cry the night before we move while we are camping out on the floor one last time, this time with the teens, so we can all say goodbye to the unique little blue house that has been a part of our lives for so very long and served us so well. I also know that I am going to cry when we walk into our new home. The home that we have worked so hard to get to. The home we wished so hard that we could give to our children. The home that is going to change our lives for the better in so many ways, but we will get into all of that another day. It will be different and the same.

We are the same. We will continue to grow as a couple, as people and as a family. We will continue to love, laugh and cry. I will continue to feed the masses. We will continue on with our lives from a couple miles away. I am looking forward to this new chapter and adventure of our lives. I am going to try to keep my chin up as I go pack up and begin to let go of this place I call home. First, I will go stuff my pockets full of Kleenex.

Where Did a Whole Month Go?

Oops. Really? A whole month (just over, actually, but who's counting?) has passed since my last post. This troubles me a bit. Only because writing is one of my favorite things to do now and I obviously do not get enough time to do it. I haven't been slacking off or anything. I'm sure that is what you are all thinking...unless, of course, you know me and that I have five kids and how finding that "me time" can be very tricky. Very tricky, indeed.

A couple posts ago I had a...what should I call it...a "mini meltdown", perhaps? I have since deleted that post for reasons that are my own, although I saved a copy and will re-post it again someday when the time is right. I am not ashamed of my feelings or my words. I own them. I am human. I do, however, need to protect myself sometimes...for now.

The reason I bring up the "meltdown" is because I have put a lot of changes into motion since that day. I realized, after putting my broken self in black and white for the world to see, that I needed to deal with some things in my life. I needed to make changes, make decisions, have conversations and figure out what exactly I want from this new strange life. Fifteen months ago I was a full time working mother of three. Overnight I became a stay at home mother of five. Before the twins I was focused, organized, busy and determined...in a good way. Since the twins were born I have been scatter-brained, indecisive and a little lost. I have also been extremely happy, though. I love being a mom so very much. I've said it before and I will say it again: motherhood is my favorite. Picture me saying it like Will Ferrell's character in Elf when he says, "I just like to smile. Smiling's my favorite."

"I just like to be a mom. Being a mom's my favorite." But at the same time, I felt the real me slowly slipping away. I have had moments where I felt like I might drown. I was giving up so much and taking on way too much, all at the same time. I had to prioritize. That is where I have been for the last month or so. I feel much better. I have refreshed optimism (with a healthy side dish of realistic goals and expectations.)

Image from: http://www.srednja.hr/Novosti/Svijet/Otkriveno-koji-tip-ljudi-ima-najvise-sanse-za-uspjeh-i-srecu

What specifically have I changed? The most important thing I have done since the "meltdown" is to have a heart-to-heart talk with my beloved husband. I will begin by saying that I try very hard to leave my marital issues out of this blog out of deep respect for his privacy. I am the one who chose to put my life in print, not him. I must also clarify that when I say "marital issues", we have very few negative issues. He is an amazing man and my perfect match in every way possible. I love him unconditionally and trust him explicitly and I know, without a doubt, that he feels the same way about me. How could we possibly go wrong with a marriage like that, right?

One thing. Since the twins were born, bless their little hearts, we have probably experienced the hardest thing that we have ever had to deal with as a couple. Five kids is no cake walk. And after a little while, instead of leaning on each other as we should have, we sort of both retreated to our own corners, in our own ways, to lick our wounds like beat down dogs and suffer alone in silence. So silly. We should know better. So, we spoke our minds, we shed our tears and we made some changes that have already begun to work their magic. All is well and we are the stronger for it, both as a couple and as a family. Yeah us!

Where are my priorities? I am only taking on one volunteer project for the school this year. I am the Scholastic Book Fair Chair for my son's middle school. This is something that we can do together; bonding with each other while doing something important at the same time. Win-win.

Instead of quiting The Mommies Network, I took a leave of absence from my volunteer posts. After speaking with the founder of the organization, this seemed like the right choice. After the holidays are over, I will continue as chapter manager for MinneapolisMommies but I have chosen to step down as their Blended Families Forum Moderator. This will allow me to focus on the part that is most important to me, which is building a local community of mothers who can get together, support each other and go out and have a good time every once in a while. If I need these things, there have to be a whole lot of other moms that do to.

I am making an effort to play my guitar more. I am even trying to write a song or two and have started to get callouses on the tips of my left fingers again, which I haven't had since high school. I am putting no pressure on myself and it feels good. Whatever happens, happens. I am not working out, trying to get the perfect body back. I probably won't get to fulfill a long time dream to be in a musical this summer. I am not going to be in a pageant and represent my town. There are so many things that I want(ed) to do, but I am learning to accept the fact that not all of these wishes will turn out to be. I am forcing myself to be much more choosy in my efforts. This will help me not feel let down or broken hearted. I don't want to be the girl that is all talk with no follow through. I am now trying to allow myself to really focus on the most important things. This will take some discipline.

I just celebrated my birthday. I am now 36. I am 100% okay with this. I embrace my aging. Although, a thought did cross my mind this week. I had a moment where I was sad because I realized how old I was and that I had nothing to show for it. No career, no degree. I had not accomplished a single dream that I had for myself from when I was a kid. I am not even remotely close to where I thought I would be. This moment of sadness was brief. Partly because many of those dreams were far fetched and a tiny bit unrealistic for regular people. But mostly, the sadness was brief because I thought to myself, "Ginny, don't be an idiot. Look at your life." I have a lot to show. I have an adoring husband and five of the best kids a mom could ask for. I have a house and two cars, health insurance, savings and investments. I have a huge family full of love and support for each other. I am healthy and alive. I get to be a stay at home mom! I have food in the refrigerator and clothes on my back. Not everyone can say all of these things. I am not saying it to brag or to pat myself on the back. I am saying it for perspective. I am saying it to remind myself that I have no reason to feel bad about what I have or have not done with my life.

I am going to digress for a moment...but when the hell did we become grown-ups? Seriously. Over the last year there has been so much change and loss and pain and happiness. I have lost old friends and acquaintances to cancer, suicide and death by natural or unexplained causes. People in my world have experienced abuse and divorce, marriages, births and miscarriages, custody battles and lawyer bills. New homes have been purchased and old homes have been lost or sold. There have been home improvements, both planned and not so planned. (Don't even get me started on my damn boiler heat issue) Jobs have come and gone. Life is in constant motion all around us and it can knock us on our asses at times by the pure heaviness of it all. I was out with an old girlfriend a few weeks ago and we were in total disbelief about all of the real "grown-up shit" that has unfolded itself before us, and people we know, from all possible angles. One day you are twenty years old and then you blink and suddenly you are an adult and real life just sort of happened all around you. Again, perspective. I really need to complain a lot less.

So, what do I want? I want to continue being a stay at home mom. I want to be more patient. I want to be a better wife and mother. I want to write more. I want to volunteer. And I have decided to go back to school and finish my two year Associates degree that I started back in 2001. I will officially be a full time student, entirely online, in January. This is my list to focus on. These are the things I have decided are most important to me. These are the things that made the cut. This is how I move from sink to swim. Wish me luck.

Seemingly Meaningless

To passersby it would have been nothing. They may not have even noticed. If they had, they may have thought, "Oh, how sweet." or "That's nice." And then moved on with their day, never giving it a second thought. To me...it was everything. It was hard. It was exciting, nerve racking, heart melting and scary, all at the same time. Some of you will get it. Some of you will think that I am being silly. I'm okay with that.

I asked my oldest child, he will be fifteen in a couple of weeks, to take my three and a half year old daughter to the park for a bit so that I could get the dishes done. This was his first time taking her out of the yard, all on his own, and into the big wide world. He did not hesitate. She literally jumped for joy. I try not to place my insecurities upon them. They don't have a clue how I was feeling about it. And how was that, you ask? "Eek!" about sums it up.

My son is very responsible and kind. He is aware. He is trustworthy. My daughter is outgoing and sweet. She can also be very temperamental, sassy and at times, down right defiant. I knew that my son was ready to try and I really needed the help. So, I watched them walk away, hand in hand, down the hill and out of sight, happily together. And I am just fine. Full of mixed emotions, yes, but still just fine. So what's the big deal, Ginny? What are you rambling on about? Are the things you are thinking, I'm sure.

I know it is normal for older siblings to watch younger siblings. It will not be the last time that I ask him to. I also know that I love all five of my precious children more than I could possibly ever describe to you. They are my whole life. When I ask my son to watch my daughter, I will not take for granted what is truly happening. One of my beloved children is keeping the other out of harms way. Not only will he make sure she gets to the park and back safely, probably without falling or getting too badly hurt on the playground...he is also, in a way, putting his life on the line for her. He is keeping her from being struck by a vehicle or snatched by a kidnapper. He would probably place himself in harms way in order to protect her. He would take a bullet for his sweet baby sister. To me, this is a ridiculous thing to ask. Sometimes the feelings inside of me are just too much. I love them both very dearly and I don't want either one of them to be hurt or wronged or taken from me.

When I go out for the evening and my oldest is in charge for a little while, were the house to catch on fire, he would try his hardest to save his four younger siblings and get them out to safety. Deep down in my heart I think, "How is this fair?" and "What about him and his own safety?" He is just as important to me as the rest of them. As a parent, I have to let go of these fears. I have to decide that these thoughts are not going to cause me to shelter the children more than necessary. I can not stunt them because I am afraid. And if, heaven forbid, something ever were to happen on his watch, it would be up to me to make sure that he understands it isn't his fault and to never hold it against him. If the house burned down and he couldn't get in to save them or made the decision that it was too dangerous to try, I would have to trust his judgement...because by leaving him in charge...that is what I am asking of him. His judgement.

I know, I know. These are ridiculous thoughts. The chances of these things happening are very unlikely. But the truth is, I am a mom. Moms worry too much. We over think. We drive ourselves a little crazy when it comes to the love and safety of our cubs. And then...we let it go. We slowly cut the strings and send them into the world to try.

So, the next time you see a kid walking down the street, taking his little sister to the park and then out for ice cream (with his own money, too cute), please know that it is not "nothing." To a mother, out there somewhere...it is absolutely everything.

Image from: http://askmissa.com/2010/10/14/big-brothers-big-sisters-mentoring-a-little-makes-a-big-difference/

You Might Be a Super Mom If...

Image from: http://www.chicagonow.com/bug-coffee/2014/04/i-am-supermom/

You have only one child.

You have multiple children.

You are pretty sure you like the children that you have...you would just prefer to poop in private every once in a while.

You breastfed your child for a day or a year or even longer.

You made the choice to not breastfeed your child for personal or medical reasons.

Sometimes you wonder why you ever decided to have a child.

You feel bad that thought just crossed your mind and deep down you wouldn't change your life if you even had the chance.

You make it to every single school, sport or extra curricular function your child ever participates in.

You make it to the performances that you can and let your child know how much you wish you could see more.

You walk around with poop smeared on your arm for hours before your husband gets home from work and asks what it is.

You cook a balanced healthy dinner and sit around your dinner table every single night as a family.

You order pizza or stop at McDonalds on the way home instead.

You choose to be a stay at home mom.

You choose to have a career because you love it, need it or just have to have it.

You can make up elaborate stories and songs on the spot that your child insists on hearing over and over again.

You can't come up with stuff like that under pressure so you read them a book instead.

You are single and doing it all on your own.

You are raising your child with your village.

You spend all of your time fulfilling your child's day with crafts, learning and fun activities.

You take a little time for yourself and blog or play Candy Crush while the kids fend for themselves a bit. (Damn you Level 33!!!!)

You never go out at night because you want to be home with your child, need to be home with your child, or don't have the funds to go out for the evening anyway.

You get a sitter and head out for a night on the town regularly.

You allow your child to bang the back of your hand with a toy, no matter how much it hurts you, so they will lay still just long enough for you to change their damn diaper.

You live in a big beautiful home that you own.

You live in a tiny apartment or a shelter or in a basement of a family member or friend.

You get out and get a haircut or manicure regularly.

You haven't had a haircut or pedicure in you have NO idea how long.

You have a cocktail (or four) with dinner.

You are not a drinker.

You are following all of your hopes and dreams.

You have lost sight of all of your own hopes and dreams because you are focused on those of your child.

You conceived, birthed and carried your child.

You got pregnant by accident.

You adopted, inherited or otherwise acquired a child not from your womb.

You gave up your child for adoption because you knew that was best for them.

You had an abortion or made the conscious decision to never have a child for your own reasons, knowing it was best for the unborn child.

You loved every moment of being pregnant.

The thought of ever being pregnant again sounds like as much fun as being dragged from the back of a semi down the highway.

You love your child no matter how furious or disappointed they can make you, at times.

You home school.

You send your child to public or private school.

You have no idea how to help them with their math homework because it is nothing like the way you used to do it when you were a kid.

You travel with your child and show them new and exciting places around the world.

You have never even left the state with your child.

Travelling with children scares the ever living s#!t out of you or sounds like pure parental torture.

You run a "tight ship" and everything is scheduled and in order.

You have no schedule.

You keep an immaculate house.

Your house looks like a hurricane blew through it or you hire someone else to clean it for you.

You are tired a lot of the time.

You drank three Red Bulls to get you through the day.

You are a machine and need no substances to assist you!

You make s#!t up all day long, sometimes to the point of exhaustion.

You can see where I am going with this. We moms are as unique and beautiful as snowflakes. We know our children and our families and what is best for them. We all do things a little bit, or a lot a bit, differently. Our ultimate goals are the same, though. We are raising children to the best of our abilities. We can be so critical on ourselves with each decision, no matter how simple, hard or superficial they may seem. We can only do our best. As long as we love them unconditionally, there will forever be hope in our successes.

You are doing a good job. How's that for a daily affirmation?!

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Laughter & Tears

I'm going to give you a little of both. A typical day in my world contains the two. I'm not just talking about myself. There are, of course, the kiddos. Teenie weenie emotional roller coasters, in constant motion, keeping me on my toes. Going out on errands can be a trip, pun intended. When I have to take some or all of them out...I have to have a plan...and a s#!t load of patience.

The Plan: 

It takes me about an hour to get everyone ready to go somewhere. Therefore, whatever I am going to go and do had better be worth it. I have to really need something, want something, have to get out of the house, have specific people I want to see or whatever my reason may be. It is probably not going to be "just because." Not until the twins are a little older, at least.

Before I can go anywhere, I have to pack the diaper bag: diapers, wipes, pull ups, changes of clothes (at least one for each baby, depending on how long we will be out and maybe one for DJ too), bottles, formula, baby snacks, DJ's snack, a couple toys, blankets (depending on the season and weather), sippy cup, possibly child sized cutlery, Desitin, wallet, phone, sunglasses, keys, sometimes coupons/vouchers...and always Neno Bear (DJ's woobie). In the winter time...let's not forget hats, mittens, boots, jackets and snow pants for all!

Then I make sure all three little ones have clean butts and clean clothes on. I check on the dog and turn off all the lights. I may have to cover the giant stroller and bungee it on to the back of my Yukon. I bring the diaper bag and anything else we are taking along and load it into the truck. If I am home alone with the three little kids I corral one baby in the living room, bouncy chair, swing or somewhere else safe and carry the other baby to the car and then run back into the house as quickly as possible to grab the second baby and DJ. If my husband and/or my two teenagers are coming with, the getting into the car logistics are a little easier, but really it is just more people and more stuff. Away we go.

I also make sure to get as much into a trip as I can. The less total trips out of the house, the easier it is on me. A perfect example was three months ago. The babies were due for their six month check ups. I decided to make all of our family appointments for one day. Some might think this is crazy, but in my opinion it was so much better. We started out the day with five dentist appointments at eight o'clock in the morning. I had my husband go first so he could get to work as soon as possible...again, crazy, but the hard truth is we are a family of seven on one income. Daddy's gotta work. After the dentist, around ten o'clock, we went over to the pediatricians where the babies had well baby checks and my two older boys each had an appointment for something specific to each of them. We went out for lunch together after those appointments and then we had a little bit of time to kill so we ran into Walmart and the grocery store for a few things we needed. After all of that we went to the eye doctor where me and the two older boys had appointments at around three thirty or so. I believe we left there at five-ish. It ended up being a long day but I found it easier than doing it all in three or four different days. I have also been blessed with pretty well behaved children. Thank goodness. Pretty sure I ordered pizza that night, though. Who wants to cook after all that noise?

The Patience:

These pictures are from the babies nine month check ups, but it gives you a glimpse into what it can be like...

I gave up trying to get them to not tear up the paper roll within a few seconds. Ah well. As long as I kept them from rolling off the doctor's table, I was good. They can only wait patiently for so long. And most of you have been in a doctor's office...you can't see in these pictures, but my other three children are in the room, too. Think about it.

The Laughter:

I found a perfect example of the ridiculousness that can ensue while bringing multiple children out and into the world to go somewhere. This image is from www.ninjamomblog.com. I recently found her blog and I think she is great.

Image from: http://www.ninjamomblog.com/p/other-writing-and-pr-info.html#.UfLtCI1r2a9

Too true! I can't even begin to tell you. I laughed so hard when I saw this the first time. Thank you, NinjaMom!

I have also come up with a new way to decide who gets my grocery shopping business, if I have to bring all three little kids with me, now that the babies grew out of their car seats with carrying handles. I go to my favorite grocery store first, Cub Foods, and drive around their parking lot, checking in all the cart corrals until I find one of those shopping carts with the kid car on the front. Those carts have TWO baby seats with buckles in addition to the fun car. If they do not have one of those kinds of carts on the lot, I leave and drive to the next grocery store and drive around their lot. This is the only way to ensure maximum success and safety getting them all from my car and into the store. It hasn't happened yet, but if neither store had a cart like that available, I would either call it quits and go home, or if I really needed to, I could drive to yet another grocery store.

The Tears:

This is where it gets a little heavy. I am adding a link to a video I saw last night that someone had shared on Facebook. I sat in silence, with my headphones on, and watched it while tears trickled down my cheeks. I almost turned it off when I realized exactly where it was going but I decided to force myself to sit through it anyway. It is fake. It is portrayed by actors. It is not dramatized. In real life it happens too often and sometimes it is good to have a reminder. Watch at your own risk.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/19/kids-left-in-cars-psa_n_3623597.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Some days can be hard or stressful. There have been times when I am driving home from somewhere and think to myself. "Oh crap, we are out of milk." or that I really wished I had something or another. But if I am not willing to take every single child out of the car and in with me to a store or anywhere else, I am NOT going to go! Absolutely nothing in the whole wide world is worth the risk of leaving a child in a car. I don't care about the weather or the location or the circumstances. It can be such a pain in the ass to haul them all around but I just have to deal with that. I will never do it. And I probably won't ever watch this video again. My heart can't handle it.

The End:

Parenting is joy and sacrifice. Pleasure and pain. I take one day a step at a time. It's the best I can do.

What the Funk.

"Just because I am awesome doesn't mean that I want to be awesome all of the time." - me

Image from: http://smartwomanonline.com/feature/2008/02/multitasking-run-amok/3/

I have been in a bit of a funk. I have so many things that I need to accomplish but don't have the motivation to do them. I found this piece of art online today and it looks just like I feel...

Image from: http://society6.com/LindseyPuddles/In-a-Funk_Print

And now I feel like a complainer for saying so. Ugh!

A fellow blogger, and old high school classmate, wrote a post recently that I related to almost exactly. The biggest difference is that she works and I don't, but other than that I know what she is feeling with my whole heart. It is titled Balancing Act and here is a link: http://beckyberry217.blogspot.com/2013/07/balancing-act.html

I feel completely alone and surrounded by people at the same time. I feel like I am strong enough to do anything but can't get myself up and moving to start. I feel extreme happiness for everything I have been blessed with in my life and that I have also become lost along the way. Some days I feel like I may have actually reached Super Mom status and then the next day I feel like the biggest raging B-word to have ever walked the planet and then feel sorry for my children because they deserve better than I gave. I feel like a walking contradiction.

I am obviously a little depressed. It has happened before and it will happen again. I'm not a doctor but I know that I do not need medication. I just need time. Pills won't make my kids leave me in peace for a bit while I clean a bathroom. Pills won't make my house in a condition to sell. Pills won't make my papers file themselves. I just need time. Luckily I am ridiculously patient, sometimes to a fault. Someday the picture that represents how I feel will look a little more like this...

Image from: http://antiworldnews.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/1-happiness-habits-for-busy-people/

"Meet Virginia" 

By: Train

She doesn't own a dress
Her hair is always a mess,
You catch her stealin' she won't confess
She's Beautiful.

Smokes a pack a day, but wait,
That's me, but anyway
She doesn't care a thing
About that hair,
She thinks I'm beautiful
Meet Virginia

She never compromises,
Loves babies and surprises,
wears high heels when
she exercises
Ain't it beautiful
Meet Virginia

Well she wants to be the Queen
Then she thinks about her scene
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the Queen"

Daddy wrestles alligators
Mama works on carburetors
Her brother is a fine mediator
For the president
And here she is again on the phone
just like me hates to be alone
we just like to sit at home
and rip on the President
Meet Virginia, Mmmm...

Well she wants to live her life
Then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back, as she screams
"I don't really wanna live this life"

She only drinks coffee at midnight
When the moment is not right
Her timing is quite, unusual
You see her confidence is tragic, but her
Intuition magic And the shape of her body?
Unusual

Meet Virgina I can't wait to
Meet Virginia, yeah e yeah hey hey hey

Well she wants to be the queen and
then she thinks about her scene
Well she wants to live her life
then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the queen"
I, I don't really wanna be the queen
I, I don't really wanna be the queen
I, I don't really wanna live this

When Life Gives You Lemons

Make lemonade and invite your nieces and nephews over on a super hot day. Sit around the front yard for five or six hours, pull out the yard toys and folding chairs, bug spray and sunblock and make it a day. Fifteen dollars or so in supplies, at most, and they'll have the best time. So simple, so sweet!

The little things make life great. Time spent with family and good friends. Watching the children build relationships with their kin. Some days just make it all worth while. Some days I go to bed smiling. Ahh.