10 Things I Want My Teenaged Son to Know Now That He is Dating

My first born, my oldest son, soon to be sixteen, officially has his first real girlfriend. I got this. I have been mentally preparing myself for this for most of his life. Otherwise, I might just have been a wreck. I know deep down in my heart that I have raised a good boy, a good person...a really good man. But, I am a mother to the core so now that the time is in the here and now, of course I have some last words of wisdom for him as I send him out into the world for his next chapter of life. These words are for him.

Image from: http://www.teenink.com/art/photographs/48447/Love/

Remember the Little People

New love. Young love. So easy you will fall. Into it. Deep into it. Just remember that there are still other people in your life that need you and love you. Balance the times with your girlfriend and with the rest of your family and friends as best you can. You will not be able to spend every single day with her and that needs to be okay, with both of you. Time apart will be good for you both and the relationships you already had in place need to be nourished and cherished too. You will still have school and homework, sports and other extracurriculars, mutual and different friends. Perhaps a job soon, too? Be balanced.

Don't Forget Who You Are

Stay true to who you are. You are good and you are decent. Do not try to change for someone else ever. Do not allow someone to cause you self doubt. You will both have things in common and other things that are not. It is okay to not enjoy all of the same things together. That is what everyone else in your life is for. Share your time and your interests with many and all of your relationships will flourish while not losing yourself in the process. Be you.

Your Happiness Matters Too

You get to be happy too. Your gut reactions will be to make decisions based on her: what she thinks, what she is doing, who her friends are, what they will think and say. It may feel like it at times but please remember that she is not the Sun and you are not the Earth that revolves around her. Do what makes you happy and continue to do so. Maybe you like adventure movies and she likes romantic comedies? Take turns choosing what to see. Be happy.

Don't Feed the Drama

I was in high school and I remember all too well what it was like. Sometimes the Drama Monster rears it's ugly head. Do not feed that monster. That monster will eat you alive given the chance. Focus on what is important and real. What you can and cannot control. Who you do or do not trust. Remember what you value and hold onto those things. If someone truly cares about you they will not drag you unwillingly into the clutches of the Monster. Be strong.

Don't Be a Creep

This one goes both ways really. Do not try to control her or change her. When you speak to her do so with kindness and compassion. Don't go through her phone or stalk her Facebook profile. Without trust in each other you have nothing. Trust her to talk to other guys and have guy friends. Feel secure with your place in her life. Never lay a hand on her in anger, no matter how frustrating teen aged girls can be at times. Be in control of your actions and your words. No means no and patience is a virtue. Be virtuous.

Stand Out

Anyone can do dinner and a movie and sometimes it's the perfect date. But, sometimes you can do better than that. Stand out and apart from the other guys. Have fun and try new things together. A picnic in the park or laser tag? A hike in the woods or a day at the water park? Cook her dinner all by yourself. You are young and this is your time to have fun and be silly. Life is short and grown up responsibilities will sneak up on you in a flash. Enjoy your youth. Be creative.

Chivalry is Not Dead

It's 2014, I know. Times have changed more than I can say but that doesn't mean old school is a bad thing. Bring her flowers and open doors for her. Carry her books and borrow her your jacket when she gets cold. Rub her feet and hold her hand. She can be as independent as she wants to be but a little love, attention and care from the guy she's into will mean a whole lot. Be that guy.

It Might Not Last

No teen wants to hear this, I am aware. I was there once upon a time. But it is the truth just the same. You may get your heart broken. This may actually happen many times and it is completely and totally normal. Yes, some first loves make it and live happily ever after and that is sweet and special in it's own way but most likely there will be many girlfriends and loves throughout your life. Each will be it's own thing and teach you new things about yourself. Your heart will break and become well again, with time. I will be here for you each and every time with a dry shoulder to cry on, a Hershey Bar in hand and an open mind. You will probably get your heart broken. Beware.

Love Your Future Children

And my future grandchildren, to be frank. We've had the talks. I have been preparing you for years. You are a good boy and I know it in my heart. But, love is blind and sometimes all consuming. Remember these words. I prefer you abstain from sex. I am not saying abstain until marriage because sex is too important in a marriage to not be sure. But before you go there you need to be pretty darn sure that she is the one for you. Birth control, and contraception in general, are not 100% effective. Think of the life you wish to give your future children. Think of the life you wish to lead. Think of the girl you love and whether or not you would trust her explicitly to raise your children with all of your same values, principals and wishes. If you have any doubts, I beg of you, do not have sex with her. There are soooo many other things you two could do besides real sex. Protect, respect and love the children you will have someday. By being responsible in this way you are already one step ahead in the game of parenting. And if you absolutely can not wait, trust me to listen, understand and send you out the door with what you need to do things safely. Be prepared.

Someday, Someone WILL Love You More Than I Do

I have always heard the opposite but I do not agree. Some say that no one will ever love you as much as your own mother. For you I hope differently. I adore you. You are everything to me. I am proud of you. I live my life for you and your four younger siblings. But, someday you will find the one. I hope for you all of the love and happiness a guy could have. Someday you will leave home and some other day you will make a home with someone else. You should be so lucky to have the love and adoration of an amazing woman and wife. A blessed life. A true partner forever. I hope she loves you more than I do. Be loved.

Love,

Mom

I Will Miss You

As we sat together, just the two of us on a rare and special date, I watched you eat a popsicle, cherishing each and every bite like it was the best thing you had ever tasted; red and blue melted popsicle dripping from your chin. It was all I could do not to cry while sitting and watching you in a little booth at the Dairy Queen. In that moment, it all hit me so hard and I have been meaning to write this for you.

My dearest daughter,

I will miss you. I know that you are not going anywhere, not anytime soon at least, seeing as you are only four years old. But I will miss you just the same. I am blessed to know you and proud to be your mother. Everyday I wonder and hope that I am doing right by you, my only girl in a sea of brothers. I can relate, as I was raised with five brothers of my own. I guess we were destined to be, two peas in a pod. A pod of testosterone that we must wade through together, you and me kid.

Why am I saying that I will miss you? Because I know that our time together gets closer and closer to an end with each passing day. Time is flying by, slipping through my weary fingers like sand. Maybe I squeeze a little to tight sometimes, trying to hold on to as many grains of that sand as I can. Then I remember that I am supposed to let the sand slowly slip away and hope I let it out in all the right places.

I know I loose my temper sometimes. I know I get stressed out and that it is not your fault. You went from being the little baby princess in a house full of big people, the apple of our eyes, the highlight of our days to being the middle child and a big sister to baby twin brothers all in a day. We have our good days and bad and I need you to know how very much I love you. I love you as much now, if not more, than the day you were born; a freezing cold evening on a Blue Moon that I will never forget and cherish forever. You are still my princess. You are still my apple. You still brighten all of my days.

But you are changing, as you should. You are no longer my sweet little baby girl that I wished for for forever. As much as I adore the little girl you are blossoming into, I will miss you and all the little pieces of the past you. I will miss holding your tiny body in my arms and the smell of your freshly washed baby hair. I will miss humming in your ear while I sway you to sleep, rocking side to side, hip to hip. I will miss picking out your clothes and cutting up all of your food. I will miss you running through the sprinkler in the yard in just your undies, without a care or a worry because you don't know yet the kind of world we live in. I will miss the way you eat your favorite foods with gusto, never worrying what others think or that you have food on your chin. I will miss the way you can't tell a knock-knock joke right to save your life. I will miss standing unnoticed outside your bedroom door while you play and make voices for all of your little stuffed animal friends. I will miss the day you stop carrying around your most favorite raggedy stuffed polar bear everywhere we go. I will miss your need for me in all your precious ways.

I will also miss all of the not so fun parts of you, like when you scream at me and slam the doors. I will even miss when you bicker with your brothers and have an accident in your underwear. I will miss the way you tell me you hate the dinner I cooked and that you like the hair on my butt. (She was not talking about my butt ;-) I will miss cleaning up after you when you are puking sick. I will miss telling you "no" all of the time and you making it seem like I ran over your puppy each and every time I utter that tiny word. I will miss being shot with the daggers from your eyes, piercing me through the heart every single time.

I will miss all of these things, both the good and the bad, because it is all part of the journey of being your mom. These are the things that make it real and I am grateful to share them all with you. This journey that I wish would last a little longer than it should. A journey that I try not to take for granted, but know I fail at miserably here and there. I need you to know how very much I love you, forever and always, no matter who you are or who you become.

And I am looking forward to the rest of the journey, the twists, the turns and everything in between. I hope you are, too.

Love,
Mom

How to Feel Like a Kid Again: A Letter From my Twin Toddlers

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Bye. Hi. I am Z and this here is my twin brother, E. Hi. We noticed Mommy's tushy has been dragging a bit lately; she is on the higher side of thirty after all. Seeing as we are wise beyond our year and some months, we thought we would take a moment to give you all some tips and tricks to help unleash your inner child and feel youthful again. Who doesn't want that, right?

1. If you see something that you want just take it. It needs to be broken immediately. If you can't take it apart within the first minute or so, it is probably best to bang it on something really hard, repeatedly. If that doesn't work, we suggest throwing it at someone who isn't looking at you or expecting it at all. That is the best.

1. When you sit down for a meal that someone else has cooked for you, make a big deal about it. Put a bite in your mouth using your whole fist or even both fists. This is completely acceptable in public, too. Don't worry. It is a compliment to the chef, for sure. If the food happens to be extra saucy or cheesy, they want you to put some in your hair. Everybody who's anybody knows that is what the extra sauce is for. And if you do it just right you will get a bubble bath right afterwards, maybe even with fun colored water and extra toys.

1. If you do not like the food you tasted, just let it fall right out of your mouth, right onto your shirt or lap. You could also scoop it out with your fingers and fling it as far from yourself as possible. If your Mommy is nice, she might hold out her hand and let you spit it into her palm. If she does this, it is best to add a little extra drool to really make it count.

1. Look someone in the eye when you poop. The redder your face gets, the better. You never truly know how someone feels about you until they have watched you poop. This is key.

5. If someone else is getting attention, the only way to get it back on you is to hit them in the back of the head with your toy xylophone. You can pick one up at most toy stores. This will be the most effective way to have all eyes on you. It is super fun.

1. When you are finished with something like a toy or a book or maybe the milk in your sippy cup, drop it on the floor wherever you may be. Someone else is sure to pick it up for you. No need to take all of those extra steps and tire yourself out. If there is any milk left in the bottom of your cup, you will want to shake the cup a lot until some drips onto the carpet...you know, for your homeys.

1. No one wants to be alone, ever. So, follow your favorite people around most of the time. Especially when they are in the bathroom. This will give them the chance to return the favor and look you in the eye when they poop, too.

1. If you are a prankster, like us, you have got to try this one. If you feel a little sick in your tummy, do not tell anyone. There is a chance you will have to go somewhere soon so you should definitely wait until you are all buckled into your car seat and have been driving for a while. If you wait for just the right moment to barf, Mommy makes the craziest face you will ever see and starts driving all wonky. It is awesome. Totally worth it, trust us.

1. When you are in public, like a store or something, and you see something out of your reach that you want to hold, freak out with everything you've got. Yell, flail, whine, drool, the whole shebang. If you have the space, you could even lay down on the floor and kick while you scream. Even if you don't get what you want, or even remember what it was, it will have been so worth it. It is energizing.

1. Be naked. Whenever and wherever possible. Running naked is the bee's knees.

So there it is. By trying out a few of these tips in your boring adult day to day lives, you are sure to feel more youthful or at least be seen as so. Remember that "no" means "yes" and "yes" means "yes" but the only word you really need to know how to say is "no." YOYO! (You're only young once!)