Seemingly Meaningless

To passersby it would have been nothing. They may not have even noticed. If they had, they may have thought, "Oh, how sweet." or "That's nice." And then moved on with their day, never giving it a second thought. To me...it was everything. It was hard. It was exciting, nerve racking, heart melting and scary, all at the same time. Some of you will get it. Some of you will think that I am being silly. I'm okay with that.

I asked my oldest child, he will be fifteen in a couple of weeks, to take my three and a half year old daughter to the park for a bit so that I could get the dishes done. This was his first time taking her out of the yard, all on his own, and into the big wide world. He did not hesitate. She literally jumped for joy. I try not to place my insecurities upon them. They don't have a clue how I was feeling about it. And how was that, you ask? "Eek!" about sums it up.

My son is very responsible and kind. He is aware. He is trustworthy. My daughter is outgoing and sweet. She can also be very temperamental, sassy and at times, down right defiant. I knew that my son was ready to try and I really needed the help. So, I watched them walk away, hand in hand, down the hill and out of sight, happily together. And I am just fine. Full of mixed emotions, yes, but still just fine. So what's the big deal, Ginny? What are you rambling on about? Are the things you are thinking, I'm sure.

I know it is normal for older siblings to watch younger siblings. It will not be the last time that I ask him to. I also know that I love all five of my precious children more than I could possibly ever describe to you. They are my whole life. When I ask my son to watch my daughter, I will not take for granted what is truly happening. One of my beloved children is keeping the other out of harms way. Not only will he make sure she gets to the park and back safely, probably without falling or getting too badly hurt on the playground...he is also, in a way, putting his life on the line for her. He is keeping her from being struck by a vehicle or snatched by a kidnapper. He would probably place himself in harms way in order to protect her. He would take a bullet for his sweet baby sister. To me, this is a ridiculous thing to ask. Sometimes the feelings inside of me are just too much. I love them both very dearly and I don't want either one of them to be hurt or wronged or taken from me.

When I go out for the evening and my oldest is in charge for a little while, were the house to catch on fire, he would try his hardest to save his four younger siblings and get them out to safety. Deep down in my heart I think, "How is this fair?" and "What about him and his own safety?" He is just as important to me as the rest of them. As a parent, I have to let go of these fears. I have to decide that these thoughts are not going to cause me to shelter the children more than necessary. I can not stunt them because I am afraid. And if, heaven forbid, something ever were to happen on his watch, it would be up to me to make sure that he understands it isn't his fault and to never hold it against him. If the house burned down and he couldn't get in to save them or made the decision that it was too dangerous to try, I would have to trust his judgement...because by leaving him in charge...that is what I am asking of him. His judgement.

I know, I know. These are ridiculous thoughts. The chances of these things happening are very unlikely. But the truth is, I am a mom. Moms worry too much. We over think. We drive ourselves a little crazy when it comes to the love and safety of our cubs. And then...we let it go. We slowly cut the strings and send them into the world to try.

So, the next time you see a kid walking down the street, taking his little sister to the park and then out for ice cream (with his own money, too cute), please know that it is not "nothing." To a mother, out there somewhere...it is absolutely everything.

Image from: http://askmissa.com/2010/10/14/big-brothers-big-sisters-mentoring-a-little-makes-a-big-difference/

You Might Be a Super Mom If...

Image from: http://www.chicagonow.com/bug-coffee/2014/04/i-am-supermom/

You have only one child.

You have multiple children.

You are pretty sure you like the children that you have...you would just prefer to poop in private every once in a while.

You breastfed your child for a day or a year or even longer.

You made the choice to not breastfeed your child for personal or medical reasons.

Sometimes you wonder why you ever decided to have a child.

You feel bad that thought just crossed your mind and deep down you wouldn't change your life if you even had the chance.

You make it to every single school, sport or extra curricular function your child ever participates in.

You make it to the performances that you can and let your child know how much you wish you could see more.

You walk around with poop smeared on your arm for hours before your husband gets home from work and asks what it is.

You cook a balanced healthy dinner and sit around your dinner table every single night as a family.

You order pizza or stop at McDonalds on the way home instead.

You choose to be a stay at home mom.

You choose to have a career because you love it, need it or just have to have it.

You can make up elaborate stories and songs on the spot that your child insists on hearing over and over again.

You can't come up with stuff like that under pressure so you read them a book instead.

You are single and doing it all on your own.

You are raising your child with your village.

You spend all of your time fulfilling your child's day with crafts, learning and fun activities.

You take a little time for yourself and blog or play Candy Crush while the kids fend for themselves a bit. (Damn you Level 33!!!!)

You never go out at night because you want to be home with your child, need to be home with your child, or don't have the funds to go out for the evening anyway.

You get a sitter and head out for a night on the town regularly.

You allow your child to bang the back of your hand with a toy, no matter how much it hurts you, so they will lay still just long enough for you to change their damn diaper.

You live in a big beautiful home that you own.

You live in a tiny apartment or a shelter or in a basement of a family member or friend.

You get out and get a haircut or manicure regularly.

You haven't had a haircut or pedicure in you have NO idea how long.

You have a cocktail (or four) with dinner.

You are not a drinker.

You are following all of your hopes and dreams.

You have lost sight of all of your own hopes and dreams because you are focused on those of your child.

You conceived, birthed and carried your child.

You got pregnant by accident.

You adopted, inherited or otherwise acquired a child not from your womb.

You gave up your child for adoption because you knew that was best for them.

You had an abortion or made the conscious decision to never have a child for your own reasons, knowing it was best for the unborn child.

You loved every moment of being pregnant.

The thought of ever being pregnant again sounds like as much fun as being dragged from the back of a semi down the highway.

You love your child no matter how furious or disappointed they can make you, at times.

You home school.

You send your child to public or private school.

You have no idea how to help them with their math homework because it is nothing like the way you used to do it when you were a kid.

You travel with your child and show them new and exciting places around the world.

You have never even left the state with your child.

Travelling with children scares the ever living s#!t out of you or sounds like pure parental torture.

You run a "tight ship" and everything is scheduled and in order.

You have no schedule.

You keep an immaculate house.

Your house looks like a hurricane blew through it or you hire someone else to clean it for you.

You are tired a lot of the time.

You drank three Red Bulls to get you through the day.

You are a machine and need no substances to assist you!

You make s#!t up all day long, sometimes to the point of exhaustion.

You can see where I am going with this. We moms are as unique and beautiful as snowflakes. We know our children and our families and what is best for them. We all do things a little bit, or a lot a bit, differently. Our ultimate goals are the same, though. We are raising children to the best of our abilities. We can be so critical on ourselves with each decision, no matter how simple, hard or superficial they may seem. We can only do our best. As long as we love them unconditionally, there will forever be hope in our successes.

You are doing a good job. How's that for a daily affirmation?!

* Please take a moment to click on the TopMommyBlog button to the left side of your screen to vote for me!

Dear Pearl Jam,

Hey guys! Maybe you will get to read this message and maybe you won't...but my mom always taught me that the answer is always "no" unless you ask. So here it is. My name is Virginia Louden, but you can call me Ginny. I have been a fan since my ears heard your music for the first time during the summer of 1991. I was 13 years old and you rocked my world. Thank you.

When I heard about this recent tour I immediately messaged my husband at work and told him that if we could somehow buy two tickets to your show in Seattle on December 6th, that we should splurge and take a grown up getaway together. He, of course, agreed. Unfortunately, this particular show was sold out before I could blink this morning. We did have the pleasure of attending your show in Minneapolis, near our home, years ago and I can honestly say it was my favorite concert I ever attended. Standing in an arena with tens of thousands of fans all singing Alive together was one of the most moving experiences I have had in my life. It gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.

As a youth it was my goal to grow up and be a rockstar. I can not even begin to count the hours I spent out in my family's music room singing along to all the truly amazing music that came out of Seattle in the early 90's. It changed the world of music and gave me hope for my future as a singer. Well, fast forward twenty something years, life happens, responsibilities reared their heads and five children later, I did not become that rockstar. I'm okay with it. But in my mind, for all of those years, I knew that I was going to be famous someday and my goal was to be like a female version of Eddie Vedder. The emotion, the range, the poetry, the artistry. Such is life. No regrets.

Getting back on track here, I am not looking for a handout, although I would except one, ha! If you read this message and have anyway of finding two tickets for me to your Seattle performance, I would very much appreciate it. My husband and I could really use a vacation and being able to see you in your home town would be a dream come true. We have five children ranging in age from fourteen years down to ten month old twins. Our lives have been a little turned around in the last year and a half, we have remained strong together, but a grown up break to reconnect and have some fun would be great.

Thank you for listening. If you are curious about me and what I'm all about, please take a moment and peek at my personal blog at www.ginnylouden.blogspot.com. I'm an open book.

I would be forever grateful.
Truly,

Ginny

Laughter & Tears

I'm going to give you a little of both. A typical day in my world contains the two. I'm not just talking about myself. There are, of course, the kiddos. Teenie weenie emotional roller coasters, in constant motion, keeping me on my toes. Going out on errands can be a trip, pun intended. When I have to take some or all of them out...I have to have a plan...and a s#!t load of patience.

The Plan: 

It takes me about an hour to get everyone ready to go somewhere. Therefore, whatever I am going to go and do had better be worth it. I have to really need something, want something, have to get out of the house, have specific people I want to see or whatever my reason may be. It is probably not going to be "just because." Not until the twins are a little older, at least.

Before I can go anywhere, I have to pack the diaper bag: diapers, wipes, pull ups, changes of clothes (at least one for each baby, depending on how long we will be out and maybe one for DJ too), bottles, formula, baby snacks, DJ's snack, a couple toys, blankets (depending on the season and weather), sippy cup, possibly child sized cutlery, Desitin, wallet, phone, sunglasses, keys, sometimes coupons/vouchers...and always Neno Bear (DJ's woobie). In the winter time...let's not forget hats, mittens, boots, jackets and snow pants for all!

Then I make sure all three little ones have clean butts and clean clothes on. I check on the dog and turn off all the lights. I may have to cover the giant stroller and bungee it on to the back of my Yukon. I bring the diaper bag and anything else we are taking along and load it into the truck. If I am home alone with the three little kids I corral one baby in the living room, bouncy chair, swing or somewhere else safe and carry the other baby to the car and then run back into the house as quickly as possible to grab the second baby and DJ. If my husband and/or my two teenagers are coming with, the getting into the car logistics are a little easier, but really it is just more people and more stuff. Away we go.

I also make sure to get as much into a trip as I can. The less total trips out of the house, the easier it is on me. A perfect example was three months ago. The babies were due for their six month check ups. I decided to make all of our family appointments for one day. Some might think this is crazy, but in my opinion it was so much better. We started out the day with five dentist appointments at eight o'clock in the morning. I had my husband go first so he could get to work as soon as possible...again, crazy, but the hard truth is we are a family of seven on one income. Daddy's gotta work. After the dentist, around ten o'clock, we went over to the pediatricians where the babies had well baby checks and my two older boys each had an appointment for something specific to each of them. We went out for lunch together after those appointments and then we had a little bit of time to kill so we ran into Walmart and the grocery store for a few things we needed. After all of that we went to the eye doctor where me and the two older boys had appointments at around three thirty or so. I believe we left there at five-ish. It ended up being a long day but I found it easier than doing it all in three or four different days. I have also been blessed with pretty well behaved children. Thank goodness. Pretty sure I ordered pizza that night, though. Who wants to cook after all that noise?

The Patience:

These pictures are from the babies nine month check ups, but it gives you a glimpse into what it can be like...

I gave up trying to get them to not tear up the paper roll within a few seconds. Ah well. As long as I kept them from rolling off the doctor's table, I was good. They can only wait patiently for so long. And most of you have been in a doctor's office...you can't see in these pictures, but my other three children are in the room, too. Think about it.

The Laughter:

I found a perfect example of the ridiculousness that can ensue while bringing multiple children out and into the world to go somewhere. This image is from www.ninjamomblog.com. I recently found her blog and I think she is great.

Image from: http://www.ninjamomblog.com/p/other-writing-and-pr-info.html#.UfLtCI1r2a9

Too true! I can't even begin to tell you. I laughed so hard when I saw this the first time. Thank you, NinjaMom!

I have also come up with a new way to decide who gets my grocery shopping business, if I have to bring all three little kids with me, now that the babies grew out of their car seats with carrying handles. I go to my favorite grocery store first, Cub Foods, and drive around their parking lot, checking in all the cart corrals until I find one of those shopping carts with the kid car on the front. Those carts have TWO baby seats with buckles in addition to the fun car. If they do not have one of those kinds of carts on the lot, I leave and drive to the next grocery store and drive around their lot. This is the only way to ensure maximum success and safety getting them all from my car and into the store. It hasn't happened yet, but if neither store had a cart like that available, I would either call it quits and go home, or if I really needed to, I could drive to yet another grocery store.

The Tears:

This is where it gets a little heavy. I am adding a link to a video I saw last night that someone had shared on Facebook. I sat in silence, with my headphones on, and watched it while tears trickled down my cheeks. I almost turned it off when I realized exactly where it was going but I decided to force myself to sit through it anyway. It is fake. It is portrayed by actors. It is not dramatized. In real life it happens too often and sometimes it is good to have a reminder. Watch at your own risk.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/19/kids-left-in-cars-psa_n_3623597.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Some days can be hard or stressful. There have been times when I am driving home from somewhere and think to myself. "Oh crap, we are out of milk." or that I really wished I had something or another. But if I am not willing to take every single child out of the car and in with me to a store or anywhere else, I am NOT going to go! Absolutely nothing in the whole wide world is worth the risk of leaving a child in a car. I don't care about the weather or the location or the circumstances. It can be such a pain in the ass to haul them all around but I just have to deal with that. I will never do it. And I probably won't ever watch this video again. My heart can't handle it.

The End:

Parenting is joy and sacrifice. Pleasure and pain. I take one day a step at a time. It's the best I can do.

What the Funk.

"Just because I am awesome doesn't mean that I want to be awesome all of the time." - me

Image from: http://smartwomanonline.com/feature/2008/02/multitasking-run-amok/3/

I have been in a bit of a funk. I have so many things that I need to accomplish but don't have the motivation to do them. I found this piece of art online today and it looks just like I feel...

Image from: http://society6.com/LindseyPuddles/In-a-Funk_Print

And now I feel like a complainer for saying so. Ugh!

A fellow blogger, and old high school classmate, wrote a post recently that I related to almost exactly. The biggest difference is that she works and I don't, but other than that I know what she is feeling with my whole heart. It is titled Balancing Act and here is a link: http://beckyberry217.blogspot.com/2013/07/balancing-act.html

I feel completely alone and surrounded by people at the same time. I feel like I am strong enough to do anything but can't get myself up and moving to start. I feel extreme happiness for everything I have been blessed with in my life and that I have also become lost along the way. Some days I feel like I may have actually reached Super Mom status and then the next day I feel like the biggest raging B-word to have ever walked the planet and then feel sorry for my children because they deserve better than I gave. I feel like a walking contradiction.

I am obviously a little depressed. It has happened before and it will happen again. I'm not a doctor but I know that I do not need medication. I just need time. Pills won't make my kids leave me in peace for a bit while I clean a bathroom. Pills won't make my house in a condition to sell. Pills won't make my papers file themselves. I just need time. Luckily I am ridiculously patient, sometimes to a fault. Someday the picture that represents how I feel will look a little more like this...

Image from: http://antiworldnews.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/1-happiness-habits-for-busy-people/

"Meet Virginia" 

By: Train

She doesn't own a dress
Her hair is always a mess,
You catch her stealin' she won't confess
She's Beautiful.

Smokes a pack a day, but wait,
That's me, but anyway
She doesn't care a thing
About that hair,
She thinks I'm beautiful
Meet Virginia

She never compromises,
Loves babies and surprises,
wears high heels when
she exercises
Ain't it beautiful
Meet Virginia

Well she wants to be the Queen
Then she thinks about her scene
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the Queen"

Daddy wrestles alligators
Mama works on carburetors
Her brother is a fine mediator
For the president
And here she is again on the phone
just like me hates to be alone
we just like to sit at home
and rip on the President
Meet Virginia, Mmmm...

Well she wants to live her life
Then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back, as she screams
"I don't really wanna live this life"

She only drinks coffee at midnight
When the moment is not right
Her timing is quite, unusual
You see her confidence is tragic, but her
Intuition magic And the shape of her body?
Unusual

Meet Virgina I can't wait to
Meet Virginia, yeah e yeah hey hey hey

Well she wants to be the queen and
then she thinks about her scene
Well she wants to live her life
then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the queen"
I, I don't really wanna be the queen
I, I don't really wanna be the queen
I, I don't really wanna live this

Go Ahead. Make Their Day.

The other night I was baking cookies after the kids went to bed. We needed a couple batches to sell at the lemonade stand and that was just the time it happened to work out for me that day. House all quiet and peaceful, me in my personal space...my zone...the kitchen. No one underfoot, no one yanking on my apron strings saying, "Mommy. Mom. Mommy. Mommy." And so on. It was nice. It was peaceful. The rum and cola on the counter next to me was pretty good, too. I have to soak in these moments as I can get them.

While I was putting away the last cookie sheet full, I heard my three year old daughter in her room above me, moving around a bit. In the baby monitor I could also hear that she was making her usual voices for all her little stuffed animals, deep in conversation, still awake and playing at 11:30 at night. I stood there for a moment looking at the beautiful tray of cookies, perfectly zip lock baggied into groups of two cookies each, ready for sale the next afternoon. I had, of course, made an even number of cookies, forty eight to be exact. It only took a few seconds to say to hell with my undiagnosed OCD, forty six cookies should be just fine. I snatched up a snack size bag of two cookies, still warm and gooey-chewy, poured a small glass of milk and went straight up to DJ's room.

I gently knocked on the door and cracked it open. She saw me right away and was at first a little startled and a worried look flashed momentarily across her sweet face. That look left her face quickly because she doesn't really get in trouble for being up. She is allowed to fall asleep at her own pace. Some days she naps, some days she doesn't. She doesn't have to be up for daycare anymore. I may just have to sneak up and check her pull up or remind her to be quiet and in her bed. But this night she saw me come in smiling. I walked up to her and her entourage of fluffy animal friends and told her that I had brought her a surprise treat and then held out the cookies and the glass of cold milk. I wish I could have taken a picture of her face. That would have ruined the perfect spontaneity and sweetness of the moment so a mental picture will have to do. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and a little half smile on her face, cocked her head to one side and asked, "Why?" Only half caring about my answer. I replied, "Because I love you and I just finished baking all the cookies for our lemonade party tomorrow." That rocked her world. Her smile expanded across her face and she held out her little hand for me to place a cookie in.

And so we sat there, just the two of us, each nibbling sweet buttery cookie and melted chocolaty goodness. We talked about I can't even remember what, but we did. We laughed, we smiled, we hugged. We took turns washing our bites down with milk and giggled about our front teeth being covered in chocolate. She glowed. It was beautiful. I gave her a big hug and kiss, tucked her and all her little animals back in and went back downstairs, I am pretty sure she was asleep within minutes. I will never forget that little bit of time I spent with my daughter, for as long as I live.

I know that this is not something I should do all of the time. I also know that I need to make sure that I am taking blessed opportunities to have special one on one moments with each of my five amazing children. I need to put a little more effort into this side of motherhood. I am so busy and overwhelmed so often nowadays. I need to try harder...but to do so without trying too hard...if that makes any sense. I need to make their day, whenever I can.

* Please take a moment and click on the TopMommyBlog button to the left side of your screen. You can vote for me daily and help me get to #1. I would really appreciate it.

When Life Gives You Lemons

Make lemonade and invite your nieces and nephews over on a super hot day. Sit around the front yard for five or six hours, pull out the yard toys and folding chairs, bug spray and sunblock and make it a day. Fifteen dollars or so in supplies, at most, and they'll have the best time. So simple, so sweet!

The little things make life great. Time spent with family and good friends. Watching the children build relationships with their kin. Some days just make it all worth while. Some days I go to bed smiling. Ahh.