Thursday, June 12, 2014

How to Feel Like a Kid Again: A Letter From my Twin Toddlers

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Bye. Hi. I am Z and this here is my twin brother, E. Hi. We noticed Mommy's tushy has been dragging a bit lately; she is on the higher side of thirty after all. Seeing as we are wise beyond our year and some months, we thought we would take a moment to give you all some tips and tricks to help unleash your inner child and feel youthful again. Who doesn't want that, right?

1. If you see something that you want just take it. It needs to be broken immediately. If you can't take it apart within the first minute or so, it is probably best to bang it on something really hard, repeatedly. If that doesn't work, we suggest throwing it at someone who isn't looking at you or expecting it at all. That is the best.

1. When you sit down for a meal that someone else has cooked for you, make a big deal about it. Put a bite in your mouth using your whole fist or even both fists. This is completely acceptable in public, too. Don't worry. It is a compliment to the chef, for sure. If the food happens to be extra saucy or cheesy, they want you to put some in your hair. Everybody who's anybody knows that is what the extra sauce is for. And if you do it just right you will get a bubble bath right afterwards, maybe even with fun colored water and extra toys.

1. If you do not like the food you tasted, just let it fall right out of your mouth, right onto your shirt or lap. You could also scoop it out with your fingers and fling it as far from yourself as possible. If your Mommy is nice, she might hold out her hand and let you spit it into her palm. If she does this, it is best to add a little extra drool to really make it count.

1. Look someone in the eye when you poop. The redder your face gets, the better. You never truly know how someone feels about you until they have watched you poop. This is key.

5. If someone else is getting attention, the only way to get it back on you is to hit them in the back of the head with your toy xylophone. You can pick one up at most toy stores. This will be the most effective way to have all eyes on you. It is super fun.

1. When you are finished with something like a toy or a book or maybe the milk in your sippy cup, drop it on the floor wherever you may be. Someone else is sure to pick it up for you. No need to take all of those extra steps and tire yourself out. If there is any milk left in the bottom of your cup, you will want to shake the cup a lot until some drips onto the know, for your homeys.

1. No one wants to be alone, ever. So, follow your favorite people around most of the time. Especially when they are in the bathroom. This will give them the chance to return the favor and look you in the eye when they poop, too.

1. If you are a prankster, like us, you have got to try this one. If you feel a little sick in your tummy, do not tell anyone. There is a chance you will have to go somewhere soon so you should definitely wait until you are all buckled into your car seat and have been driving for a while. If you wait for just the right moment to barf, Mommy makes the craziest face you will ever see and starts driving all wonky. It is awesome. Totally worth it, trust us.

1. When you are in public, like a store or something, and you see something out of your reach that you want to hold, freak out with everything you've got. Yell, flail, whine, drool, the whole shebang. If you have the space, you could even lay down on the floor and kick while you scream. Even if you don't get what you want, or even remember what it was, it will have been so worth it. It is energizing.

1. Be naked. Whenever and wherever possible. Running naked is the bee's knees.

So there it is. By trying out a few of these tips in your boring adult day to day lives, you are sure to feel more youthful or at least be seen as so. Remember that "no" means "yes" and "yes" means "yes" but the only word you really need to know how to say is "no." YOYO! (You're only young once!)


  1. This is awesome! Sharing with my blog's facebook page! :)

    1. Thanks Tara! I appreciate that very much <3

  2. Love, love, love! My 2 year old follows all of these rules!