Tuesday, May 20, 2014

2014: A Love/Hate Relationship

If it wasn't for a couple of pretty great things happening in the last couple of weeks, I would have told 2014 to stick it where the sun don't shine, take a flying leap off of an extremely tall bridge and pound a significant amount of sand. Pardon my rant and forgive me if I am vague in my explanations of just how poorly 2014 has treated me so far. Just because I am a blogger and, therefore, share a little too much information at times...doesn't mean I always get to tell you all everything. I wish I could, for me...not you (smirk). I enjoy blogging and writing in general even more so. It feels good to get things out and refresh my brain every once in a while. But, some things I have to keep close, private and sacred. Not just for myself but for those who I care for deeply and would hate to disrespect in any way, shape or form.  So, there it is.

Anyway, I haven't really had a chance to blog this year. As some of you know, I was taking online college courses that started in early January and as much as I was enjoying them, they pretty much consumed all of my spare time, which was a pretty pitiful amount to begin with. All was going perfectly and I was acing both of my classes up until mid April. I hate to say this, but after a couple of things happened that were/are pretty devastating to me...I ended up with a D and an Incomplete. Sigh. I have taken this all pretty well. I feel badly about the way my classes turned out but at the same time I know that life happens and I tried my best. Like my mom says to me sometimes, "Life just gets all lifey on us." It did. It really, really did.

So, one of the bad things that happened is behind me now, over and done with, thank goodness. The other thing...well, it kind of feels like it is looming over me, hovering like a black cloud ready to release it's worst at any moment. Fortunately, with the support of my closest family and friends, I can hopefully make it out all in one piece mentally and emotionally. Time will tell.

On top of school and everything else that a mother of five must deal with, we have spent the last year or so getting our house ready to sell. No easy task with all the kiddos and three pets. But...we did it! (With a lot of help from our friends ;-) We listed our house and sold it in five days on the market. I believe I only had to get everyone out of the house for eight showings. I was dreading that part the most. Seriously, keeping the house as clean as possible and dragging everyone out for who knows how long, sometimes alone if it was during a work day for my hubby. Not to mention having strangers in my home. I had some serious anxiety over this and cried myself to sleep a couple of times during the months leading up to listing. I am so private and protective of my family and our personal space. It was hard to do but I knew deep down that we had to do it if we were ever going to get out of our too tiny house and give the kids more space. We were able to get it all done. Whew!

I guess it is not 100% for sure yet, we still have to get through the appraisal of our current home next week and then have closing day go off without a hitch in June, but these are all normal parts of the process that usually go pretty well. My husband and I also went house shopping on Sunday, found the perfect house, made an offer that was accepted and have that home inspection scheduled for Friday. Fingers crossed all of this just keeps going well and falling into place. I would love the good news to just keep coming in for a while. Really. (But I am soooo excited! The kids are all getting excited! Our new house is going to be so wonderful. And my dog is going to be so happy! I will get into all of that in a later post, though. Hee hee.)

Completely unrelated, since it has been so very long since I blogged, let's play catch up. I did audition for Rent at the local theatre. I did not make it into the show and that is totally OK. I gave it a shot and can cross that one right off of my list. I am looking forward to seeing it this summer, too.

After doing poorly in school, I have not decided if I am going to continue that particular journey or not yet. I enjoyed the classes, the learning and the daily general use of my super smart brain for something other than being a mom. Some of you may understand this...some of you won't. That's OK. It did take a lot of time away from the children and keeping up with the house and I have not decided how I feel about this yet. I am glad I enrolled in January and gave it a shot...I just don't know if it is exactly what I was looking for. I know that I am looking for something but I truly can't pinpoint it yet. Since the twins were born my life has changed so much and I am still trying to find...me? If that makes any sense.

I have not accomplished the perfect body. Ha! And I am so very OK with this. It would be nice and all, but I am so content in my own skin. My husband adores me, and I him. My kids love me, regardless. I am 36 years old and not afraid to say it, ever. I own it. Every gray hair, every new wrinkle. It is me, it is who I am and I have lived and earned every single year under my belt.

I am still trying to decide a second song to play and use in my DVD audition submission to The Voice. There is no specific date to send them in by, as they accept them all year long. Right now I have Dreams by Fleetwood Mac ready but I need to have two songs. I am not going to rush it and it is super far fetched anyway. Purely for fun to keep the tangerine dream alive. Although, I have been considering trying to find or start a band again. I have a couple of life hurdles to get through before I give it a go. Part of my problem with 2014 is that I took on way too much and couldn't keep up. I need to try not to do that anymore.

I think that was everything that ya'll may have been wondering. Now, we are all caught up. Hopefully life will calm down soon and the good things will keep coming. I miss having the time to write and when life does allow me to, that will be my first "me time" priority. Writing, creating, making and doing. That would be my personal happy place.

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