Monster Birthday Bash!

How to throw a monster themed childrens birthday party on a budget!

Hey all! Last weekend my twin sons turned 3 years old. Wow! Having 5 kids, we do not throw them all a big birthday party every single year, more like every other. It gets to be too much, especially since my kids are 5 of 13 grand kids. I don't want to do that to my extended family. But, this was their year and it couldn't have gone better. They are at an age now where the build up to their monster party was pretty adorable. They watched the party prep progress all week long and got so very excited with each step of the way. Love it!

As a family of 7 on one income, it is important not to go overboard when creating a party. I was able to throw this whole party for about $75. I invited 32 people (including us) and ended up with 23 total. If you break that down...that is only $3.30 per person. Nice! Included in that cost was invitations, decorations, a game, a craft, food and punch, party favors and a photo booth. Keep in mind that I will always try and use items that I already have on hand or that I can find for free, which helps keep the cost down quite nicely.

Why monsters? You mean besides the fact that my crazy twin boys are sweet little monsters? Well, a couple that I am friends with had a monster party for their nephew a while back and had hand made these awesome decorations out of scrapbook and craft paper. They put so much work into them and did not want to just throw them away so they asked me if I was interested in them. Um..YES! Please and thank you! That is where this all began.

Aren't they cute?!

There were 13 large monsters, 10 small ones and some monster mouths and eyes of different sizes. Perfect. I rolled with it.

After seeing these I went straight to Pinterest and created a board that you can peek at HERE. Pinterest is a wonderful (and free!) resource for basically any project you can think of. This is where I found almost all of my ideas for this party. There are also some pins that I didn't end up using but they are just too cute not to keep. Check it out!

Evite.com is my favorite (free!) resource for sending invitations via email. They have tons of fun free templates to choose from. They also have premium options that you can use for a fee but I have yet to need that service. I love free! You can also send messages to guests as needed and keep track of your rsvps. Here is the template I chose:

Image from www.evite.com

Unrelated to the party cost, I ordered my twins Monster's Inc. themed t-shirts to wear at their party. A birthday present, of course. There is currently a 2 pack for only $16.99 on Amazon.com (free shipping for Prime members). You can check them out HERE.

Image from www.Amazon.com

During the week leading up to the party, I slowly worked on my party projects while the kids were playing nicely during the day or after they went to bed at night. I started out with the party hats and the photo booth props.

The hats were plain and I just glued on googly eyes and taped teeth into each one. I cut the teeth out of white construction paper. So easy!

For the photo booth props, I cut out the desired shapes from a piece of foam board using an exacto knife and covered them with construction paper using Elmers glue. I also purchased 4 wooden 1/4" dowels that I had my hubby cut in half for me with the Dremel so there would be 8 sticks total. These I hot glued onto the back of each prop. I also made a frame for people to hold using another piece of foam board.

The morning of the party I made a monster back-drop on my living room wall using 2 rolls of wrapping paper and a pack of border from the dollar store. Here is a picture of the finished product:

The box I used to hold the props was an old potato chip box we had lying around that I wrapped and poked holes in the top of. Total project cost was just under $10 and it was a hit at the party. We captured so many great pictures. Here are just a few...

The birthday boys!

Me & my daughter

My oldest son and sweet little nephew

I decorated the front door very simply using 2 paper plates and construction paper, making a big monster smile to greet our guests.

When guests first arrived I sent their kids straight to the craft table. This gave the grown-ups a chance to settle in and say hello to everyone. Basically, I covered the train table in the toy room with a plastic dollar store tablecloth and set up there. I put out a stack of plain paper plates, a bowl of tissue paper squares, Elmers glue, a handful of crayons, white paper triangles I had cut out in random sizes and a pack of googly eyes. The only thing I had to purchase for this project were the eyes. $7.99 for the big pack. Total splurge. Ha! Everything else I already had around the house. With these they were able to make "furry" monster faces. It kept them nice and busy for a little while.

For the game I kept it very simple. I used 1 piece of foam board and a bag of 12 plastic ping pong sized eyeballs (Halloween section), both from the dollar store. I colored a big monster on the foam board and cut out a hole for the mouth. This was similar to a bean bag toss game. The kids took turns throwing eyeballs into the monster's mouth and whoever made the most in won a bag of sour gummy worms. The little ones stood up close and the older the kids were, the farther back they had to stand. My nephew Austin won with a whopping 6 eyeballs!

Usually, I like to make a ton of food or a big meal but since having my twins I have been better with knowing my limits of what I can/should do. I decided to relieve some possible stress and host the party from 2-5 PM (between meal times) so that munchies and treats would suffice. This also helps keep costs down. The menu was cheese balls, Asian snack mix, trail mix, baby carrots and dip, Rice Krispie treats, sherbet punch, cupcakes and cakepops. My mother-in-law also brought over a yummy tray of little ham and cheese sliders, one of my all time favorite party foods! You can find a great recipe for them HERE.

Monster party food!

I love candy eyeballs. So easy to turn sweet treats into little monsters. I couldn't help but make the cakepops into little Mike Wazowskis!

And my favorite project I saved for last! The favors for our kiddo guests. Instead of buying candy and little plastic toys that break and handing out baggies or the like, I decided to do the Adopt-A-Monster idea I found on Pinterest. Now, you can just order a 12 pack of plush monsters on Amazon.com for only $14 currently so please know that there is a way to do this without hours and hours of work (HERE)...but, I do soooo love a good crafty night...or 2. I enjoyed this one very much.

Every kid at the party got to take home a cute and unique little monster plush or puppet and then my twins got to keep the rest. Total cost to me was just under $10. (Not to mention 2 nights in front of my sewing machine...Yay!) I used 2 packs of 12 count felt rectangles and one bag of polyfil fiber. For their eyes I just used old buttons from my craft supplies. Here are some photos of the process, an Adopt-A-Monster tutorial.

Pin 2 pieces of felt together.

Draw desired monster shape onto one panel of felt using a marker.

Cut out monster shape.

Layout desired face designs using felt scraps and old buttons.

I worked in batches of 4 monsters at a time.

I was running out of ideas for different monster shapes so I used Google images to help with inspiration.

Sew on your buttons and scraps, being sure to do so on the right side of the felt fabric. Then, sew around the edges of the monster, leaving enough open area to turn the monster inside-out for stuffing. If you are making it a puppet, sew all but the bottom of the monster closed and then turn it inside-out.

Voila! 12 spectacular monsters to be adopted.

So, there it is. One of my best kiddo parties to date in my humble opinion. Lol!. I hope you enjoyed reading about it. Thanks for stopping by!

If you liked this post, you may also like:

The Sweetest Thing

My Twins & Their First Year: A Celebration

Pick Your Switch

Image from: http://vanriggins.wordpress.com/2012/05/22/discipline-in-kids-ministry/

Pick your switch. My siblings and I heard this line quite a few times when we were growing up. "Pick your switch" meant that we were in serious trouble. We were to head straight out to the back yard and choose which switch (stick of appropriate size) we were to be spanked with. We were to bring it to our parent right away and they would methodically remove the stems and leaves while we watched and waited for our inevitable punishment. Other times it was a belt, a wooden spoon or a ping pong paddle. It wasn't just our parents, it was many kids' parents. It was the daycare provider. A school teacher might even have tried similar at times. That was just the way it was. We're talking late seventies, early eighties and maybe a little longer.

Not all parents chose to discipline in this way back then but I do believe it was a little more of the norm at that time. And before that, when my parents were children, it was a whole lot worse. The discipline that my siblings and I received as children was a toned down version of the discipline that our parents received at the hands of our grandparents and their communities. I believe my parents held back a bit. Trying not to hurt us in the same ways that their parents may have hurt them because they loved us and were making an effort to parent differently. A conscious effort. I believe that our generation is trying to do the same.

I do not spank my kids. I never break out the belt or the spoon or anything like that. I hold no ill will towards my parents for spanking me any which way when I was a child. That being said, I also do not feel that my parents ever crossed a dangerous invisible line. There was no blood or broken skin. They spanked hard enough to sting, to make us cry and be sore for a little while. All in the hopes that we would think hard about what we had done wrong and hopefully get the point and never do the same action again. In my humble opinion, it didn't really work in that way. We very much disliked being spanked but we didn't think about being spanked the next time we were tempted by something naughty. Spanking was futile.

When my oldest two children were very young I attempted to spank a couple of times. It did not work.  I was only using my hand and their cute little butts were covered in clothes or a pull up or whatever. My heart wasn't in it and they probably felt close to nothing. I  actually think they found it more interesting than deterring. It also dawned on me that what I was attempting to accomplish was silly. Just plain silly in a common sensical kind of way. I spend my days teaching my children to be kind and thoughtful, that hitting someone is never the solution and that hurting someone is wrong. And yet I tried to show them right from wrong by hitting them? So stupid when I really got to thinking about it.

When I need to discipline any of my five children now, and for the last maybe fourteen years or so after I wised up, I use different forms of punishment depending on age and the severity of their infraction. We use timeouts, redirection, grounding from different things and for different lengths of time, strongly worded conversations in a very firm tone, reflection on situations and every once in a while a slap to the back of the hand. The hand slap is saved only for those times in which they are about to cause serious harm to themselves or others. If one tries to stick a fork in the electrical socket, they are probably going to get a slap to the hand, one time and not hard enough to do any physical damage. Our choices of discipline seem to be working and I have pretty well behaved children. I understand that not all children, and parents for that matter, are alike. We need to choose what is right for our own family dynamic. At the same time we need to take into consideration the standards of the society in which we choose to live too.

The world is so different now. I am not just talking about how parents discipline their children. We can look at all kinds of things that used to be done differently back in the day. Car seats and seat belt safety. Work place safety regulations. Equal opportunity employment. Government operations. Prescription drug studies and distribution. The list literally goes on and on. What am I getting at? The blatant truth here is that we as people and as a society are constantly evolving and learning from our mistakes. Just because something was done a certain way say fifty years ago does not mean that it was the right way. We learn and we change and we move forward more educated and most times safer.

That being said, I am also aware that we are not all born with common sense. We are not all born with a self awareness and will power or even the ability to see things within ourselves that we would like to change and then to follow through with it. If we could all do that then the world would be a much different place. And this right here is why we have ever changing rules, regulations and laws. Someone needs to step in at times to help those who do not see the damage that they do. Kind of like the whole somebody-ruined-it-for-everybody thing. Silly example but long ago I worked for a popular restaurant chain and we, the employees, were allowed to stay after work and have a couple cocktails if we wished. That is until somewhere, in some other state, an employee had his couple cocktails, went home, decided climbing a ladder for whatever reason was a good idea and then fell off said ladder causing serious injury to himself. After that, nation wide, we were no longer allowed to stay and have a drink after work. The restaurants way of protecting us from ourselves and probably themselves from a big lawsuit. Right or wrong, this is just how the world works.

As for my opinion on the whole Adrian Peterson Fiasco? What he did was probably wrong. I say "probably" only because I do not know the whole story. I only know the bits and pieces that I have read about here and there in the media. And of course the swarms of comments by regular folk with their ten cents. Honestly, I do believe in the whole innocent-until-proven-guilty thing. So, I am going to sit back and let the authorities do what they need to do to solve this situation. I have to have faith in them because I choose to be an American and live in this country. If we ever feel they are doing wrong by us, venting on Facebook and the like is no way to make a change. Just sayin'.

While we are on the subject of Adrian Peterson and his lapse of judgement when spanking his young son with a stick and causing physical harm, allow me to add some perspective of my own. The only reason this is such a big deal is because he is famous. He is famous and got caught. Therefore, huge shit storm amongst the masses. Seriously? Take a moment and sit back from your screen. Think about your family, your coworkers, your neighbors, your fellow church goers. Adrian is not alone here. This kind of discipline still happens all of the time, all around us every day and usually behind closed doors. Not always closed. I have come across my fair share of parents out in public who seem not to have a care about who sees them doing this that and the other to their children for the whole world to see. But most of the time they don't talk about it. They don't sit at their desk at work and announce to their fellow office workers that they gave it to their kid real good the previous evening. They tone their story down or they keep the nitty gritty details to themselves and don't share at all. Why? Because deep down inside they know that many of us don't want to hear that and would probably disagree with their choice of discipline. Yet, like so many, they don't have it in themselves to change their ways. Sad but true.

So, yes, what Adrian supposedly did, like so many others still do all around us every single day, is wrong. We can sit at our screens and judge them until the cows come home and our faces turn blue. It won't solve anything. We need to leave the judging up to the judges. That is their job to define where the dangerous invisible line is drawn. And if we do not agree with how he/they are judged than we, as people and as a society, can get up off of our collective asses and make a difference where it really counts. We can lead by example. We can write letters to our government agencies. We can find or create support networks where citizens could get the education and the resources they may need to make a change in themselves. We can do all sorts of things. But judging ain't one.

Some Days...

Some days...they really try my patience. I try not to loose my cool. I take deep breathes. I step away for a moment. I redirect their energy. I talk in a sing-song happy voice. I do it all. Sometimes I snap.

I raise my voice. I might slap a hand if there is danger. I put on my angry face. Sometimes they persist. Sometimes it feels like there is nothing more I can do...to make them happy. To make them get along. To make them stop the high pitched incessant screaming. Timeouts be damned.

So, I take them to their room. Mommy needs a break. They need a break. My brain needs a break.

Suddenly, I begin to bake cookies. It will make them happy. It will make me happy. And if they aren't...then I'll know it's not me. 'Cuz what kid doesn't like some freshly baked cookies?! At that point, what more could I possibly do? And at least then there will be cookies.

Image from: http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/04/chewy-low-fat-banana-nut-oatmeal.html

Please DO Hide the Veggies

Image from: http://weestro.hubpages.com/

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that I am not the only parent out there who has one (if not more) picky eaters in the household. Frustrating, right? Over the years I have had to get creative in finding ways to get a little more veggies into some of my childrens' diets. Now, please remember that I am in no way a professional when it comes to dietary needs. I just thought I would take a moment to share my thoughts as a mother who happens to enjoy cooking very much.

1. If you find a vegetable that they like, please let them have it often. Do not use it as a substitute for all other vegetables, though. Keep making and trying new vegetables as often as possible. As much as my daughter loves carrots and would probably eat them almost every day, I know that her little body needs many more nutrients than carrots alone contain. Variety is important.

2. If your child comes up to you at an odd non-meal time and asks for a healthy treat, like a vegetable...stop what you are doing and get it for them. (I do not mean run to the store and buy it quick. Just if you have it on hand already ;-) My daughter discovered that she likes V-8 juice. What?! Yup. I had a pack of the small low sodium cans from Costco a while back and let her take a sip of mine one afternoon, fully expecting her to make a face, spit it out on the floor and be otherwise upset about it for a while. She surprised me. She loved it. She had her own can and has since requested it here and there. Baby Girl wants a V-8? Baby Girl gets a V-8. How can I argue with that?

3. Don't force it down their throats, so to speak. Just keep putting it on their plate. Night after night after frustrating night. They might whine or complain but once they see you are not giving up...they just might take a tiny bite. Key word "might."

4. You should eat the vegetables too, by the way. This will show your child many things. They will see that you are not giving them anything that you yourself wouldn't eat. I have had to explain to my kids many times that I do not cook gross food. I mean, come on, why would I make something yucky for dinner? I don't want to eat anything that tastes disgusting. See look, Mommy is taking a bite. Ooh, mmm, it's so good.

5. On the other hand, I hate peas. I hate 'em. Blech! But I eat them anyway. Everyone is allowed to have things that they don't like to eat. I just prefer they take a fair bite, chew it and swallow before they state their opinion on that. My children know that I have a strong dislike for peas and they see me eat them anyway. They have asked me why I make peas if I don't like them and I have explained to them that peas are good for me so I should eat them. I also let them know that just because I do not like something does not mean that I should not make it from time to time for the other people in the house that do like them. That would be unfair of me to eliminate them altogether.

6. There is a rule in my house. All the kids get a plate of food that is portioned appropriately for their ages. The 15 year old gets a bigger plate of food compared to the 4 year old, obviously. If they want seconds of the parts of the meal that they liked the most than they must eat all of the food from their plate first. They don't get to eat the chicken and the stuffing and skip the veggie and then get more stuffing. If you are hungry enough for seconds than you are hungry enough to eat your veggies, too.

7. Do not be a short order cook. Beside the fact that, "Who the hell has time for that crap?!" I feel it sets a bad precedent. Do it for them once and they WILL remember. "Hmm, if I don't like dinner then Mommy will just make me a PB&J. Whoopie!" Sorry kid, that's not how life works and it's really not that healthy. PB&J's are delicious and all but we probably shouldn't live off them. Just sayin'.

8. Explain yourself. One of my children is the pickiest eater in the whole wide world. Well, maybe not the whole world...but it can get pretty bad. I need him to know that I am not making all of these foods just to specifically torture him for pure parental pleasure. There really is a reason for it all. The biggest of those reasons is love. I love him. It is important to me that I teach him healthy habits for someday he will be all grown up and venture out into the world and will choose for himself what he wants to eat. Why do you need carrots, son? Vitamin A for your eyes. Meat? Protein and iron for healthy blood. Dairy? Strong teeth and bones, my Love. This is all simplified, of course, and there is much more to these foods and groups than these child-friendly explanations...But it's a start to the communication on food.

9. Let them help. Have them help pick out the produce at the store. My kids love to do that. I remember my oldest always wanted to pick out and bag the tomatoes. He knew to check each one for bruises or mushy sections. He enjoyed it very much and was always proud of his picks. Even more so when sweet old ladies would stop in awe and tell him what a great job he was doing helping out his Mommy. If you grow your own, let them help you in the garden. It might be tough having them underfoot sometimes but if they want to help, let them. And cooking. It can be a pain to have literally too many hands in the kitchen, small inexperienced hands at that, but if it helps to get them excited about the vegetables, do it. This is actually something that I personally have to work on. I need to get mine into the kitchen more. I don't want them to be helpless in the kitchen when they move out of the house someday and I told my oldest that it sure would impress the ladies if he knew how to whip up a couple simple dishes like spaghetti or something. He laughed and rolled his eyes a little bit but I am pretty sure I saw a sparkle of interest in his big brown eyes.

10. You'd be surprised at how many meals you can sneak veggies into. This is my favorite way to get the vegetables into their tummies. Seriously, you should try it. Making tacos? Well, why not finely chop some celery, bell peppers, and onions? Throw in a cup of frozen kernel corn and a can of dark red kidney beans while you are at it? It is delicious and way healthier! The kids most likely won't notice because it tastes so darn good. And...bonus...you have just stretched out that pound of ground beef by a lot. Win-win! Try it with any pasta dish, casserole...just try to make the veggies complimentary to whatever you are having.

Maybe you are making homemade soup. You can put tons of veggies in soup. Many veggies get all mushy and fall apart in the broth, but they are still in there. When I make Wild Rice Soup I add way more carrots and mushrooms than the recipe calls for. There is no reason we can't. I do the same thing when I make Zucchini Bread or Carrot Cake and many, many other dishes. I am thinking about sharing more recipes on my blog but I will get to that later.

Here are a couple website links I found that may be helpful when trying out and introducing new vegetables to the kiddos. http://www.choosemyplate.gov/food-groups/vegetables-why.html and http://www.fruitsandveggiesmorematters.org.

Good luck and have fun with it! Peace.

You Might Be a Super Mom If...

Image from: http://www.chicagonow.com/bug-coffee/2014/04/i-am-supermom/

You have only one child.

You have multiple children.

You are pretty sure you like the children that you have...you would just prefer to poop in private every once in a while.

You breastfed your child for a day or a year or even longer.

You made the choice to not breastfeed your child for personal or medical reasons.

Sometimes you wonder why you ever decided to have a child.

You feel bad that thought just crossed your mind and deep down you wouldn't change your life if you even had the chance.

You make it to every single school, sport or extra curricular function your child ever participates in.

You make it to the performances that you can and let your child know how much you wish you could see more.

You walk around with poop smeared on your arm for hours before your husband gets home from work and asks what it is.

You cook a balanced healthy dinner and sit around your dinner table every single night as a family.

You order pizza or stop at McDonalds on the way home instead.

You choose to be a stay at home mom.

You choose to have a career because you love it, need it or just have to have it.

You can make up elaborate stories and songs on the spot that your child insists on hearing over and over again.

You can't come up with stuff like that under pressure so you read them a book instead.

You are single and doing it all on your own.

You are raising your child with your village.

You spend all of your time fulfilling your child's day with crafts, learning and fun activities.

You take a little time for yourself and blog or play Candy Crush while the kids fend for themselves a bit. (Damn you Level 33!!!!)

You never go out at night because you want to be home with your child, need to be home with your child, or don't have the funds to go out for the evening anyway.

You get a sitter and head out for a night on the town regularly.

You allow your child to bang the back of your hand with a toy, no matter how much it hurts you, so they will lay still just long enough for you to change their damn diaper.

You live in a big beautiful home that you own.

You live in a tiny apartment or a shelter or in a basement of a family member or friend.

You get out and get a haircut or manicure regularly.

You haven't had a haircut or pedicure in you have NO idea how long.

You have a cocktail (or four) with dinner.

You are not a drinker.

You are following all of your hopes and dreams.

You have lost sight of all of your own hopes and dreams because you are focused on those of your child.

You conceived, birthed and carried your child.

You got pregnant by accident.

You adopted, inherited or otherwise acquired a child not from your womb.

You gave up your child for adoption because you knew that was best for them.

You had an abortion or made the conscious decision to never have a child for your own reasons, knowing it was best for the unborn child.

You loved every moment of being pregnant.

The thought of ever being pregnant again sounds like as much fun as being dragged from the back of a semi down the highway.

You love your child no matter how furious or disappointed they can make you, at times.

You home school.

You send your child to public or private school.

You have no idea how to help them with their math homework because it is nothing like the way you used to do it when you were a kid.

You travel with your child and show them new and exciting places around the world.

You have never even left the state with your child.

Travelling with children scares the ever living s#!t out of you or sounds like pure parental torture.

You run a "tight ship" and everything is scheduled and in order.

You have no schedule.

You keep an immaculate house.

Your house looks like a hurricane blew through it or you hire someone else to clean it for you.

You are tired a lot of the time.

You drank three Red Bulls to get you through the day.

You are a machine and need no substances to assist you!

You make s#!t up all day long, sometimes to the point of exhaustion.

You can see where I am going with this. We moms are as unique and beautiful as snowflakes. We know our children and our families and what is best for them. We all do things a little bit, or a lot a bit, differently. Our ultimate goals are the same, though. We are raising children to the best of our abilities. We can be so critical on ourselves with each decision, no matter how simple, hard or superficial they may seem. We can only do our best. As long as we love them unconditionally, there will forever be hope in our successes.

You are doing a good job. How's that for a daily affirmation?!

* Please take a moment to click on the TopMommyBlog button to the left side of your screen to vote for me!

Laughter & Tears

I'm going to give you a little of both. A typical day in my world contains the two. I'm not just talking about myself. There are, of course, the kiddos. Teenie weenie emotional roller coasters, in constant motion, keeping me on my toes. Going out on errands can be a trip, pun intended. When I have to take some or all of them out...I have to have a plan...and a s#!t load of patience.

The Plan: 

It takes me about an hour to get everyone ready to go somewhere. Therefore, whatever I am going to go and do had better be worth it. I have to really need something, want something, have to get out of the house, have specific people I want to see or whatever my reason may be. It is probably not going to be "just because." Not until the twins are a little older, at least.

Before I can go anywhere, I have to pack the diaper bag: diapers, wipes, pull ups, changes of clothes (at least one for each baby, depending on how long we will be out and maybe one for DJ too), bottles, formula, baby snacks, DJ's snack, a couple toys, blankets (depending on the season and weather), sippy cup, possibly child sized cutlery, Desitin, wallet, phone, sunglasses, keys, sometimes coupons/vouchers...and always Neno Bear (DJ's woobie). In the winter time...let's not forget hats, mittens, boots, jackets and snow pants for all!

Then I make sure all three little ones have clean butts and clean clothes on. I check on the dog and turn off all the lights. I may have to cover the giant stroller and bungee it on to the back of my Yukon. I bring the diaper bag and anything else we are taking along and load it into the truck. If I am home alone with the three little kids I corral one baby in the living room, bouncy chair, swing or somewhere else safe and carry the other baby to the car and then run back into the house as quickly as possible to grab the second baby and DJ. If my husband and/or my two teenagers are coming with, the getting into the car logistics are a little easier, but really it is just more people and more stuff. Away we go.

I also make sure to get as much into a trip as I can. The less total trips out of the house, the easier it is on me. A perfect example was three months ago. The babies were due for their six month check ups. I decided to make all of our family appointments for one day. Some might think this is crazy, but in my opinion it was so much better. We started out the day with five dentist appointments at eight o'clock in the morning. I had my husband go first so he could get to work as soon as possible...again, crazy, but the hard truth is we are a family of seven on one income. Daddy's gotta work. After the dentist, around ten o'clock, we went over to the pediatricians where the babies had well baby checks and my two older boys each had an appointment for something specific to each of them. We went out for lunch together after those appointments and then we had a little bit of time to kill so we ran into Walmart and the grocery store for a few things we needed. After all of that we went to the eye doctor where me and the two older boys had appointments at around three thirty or so. I believe we left there at five-ish. It ended up being a long day but I found it easier than doing it all in three or four different days. I have also been blessed with pretty well behaved children. Thank goodness. Pretty sure I ordered pizza that night, though. Who wants to cook after all that noise?

The Patience:

These pictures are from the babies nine month check ups, but it gives you a glimpse into what it can be like...

I gave up trying to get them to not tear up the paper roll within a few seconds. Ah well. As long as I kept them from rolling off the doctor's table, I was good. They can only wait patiently for so long. And most of you have been in a doctor's office...you can't see in these pictures, but my other three children are in the room, too. Think about it.

The Laughter:

I found a perfect example of the ridiculousness that can ensue while bringing multiple children out and into the world to go somewhere. This image is from www.ninjamomblog.com. I recently found her blog and I think she is great.

Image from: http://www.ninjamomblog.com/p/other-writing-and-pr-info.html#.UfLtCI1r2a9

Too true! I can't even begin to tell you. I laughed so hard when I saw this the first time. Thank you, NinjaMom!

I have also come up with a new way to decide who gets my grocery shopping business, if I have to bring all three little kids with me, now that the babies grew out of their car seats with carrying handles. I go to my favorite grocery store first, Cub Foods, and drive around their parking lot, checking in all the cart corrals until I find one of those shopping carts with the kid car on the front. Those carts have TWO baby seats with buckles in addition to the fun car. If they do not have one of those kinds of carts on the lot, I leave and drive to the next grocery store and drive around their lot. This is the only way to ensure maximum success and safety getting them all from my car and into the store. It hasn't happened yet, but if neither store had a cart like that available, I would either call it quits and go home, or if I really needed to, I could drive to yet another grocery store.

The Tears:

This is where it gets a little heavy. I am adding a link to a video I saw last night that someone had shared on Facebook. I sat in silence, with my headphones on, and watched it while tears trickled down my cheeks. I almost turned it off when I realized exactly where it was going but I decided to force myself to sit through it anyway. It is fake. It is portrayed by actors. It is not dramatized. In real life it happens too often and sometimes it is good to have a reminder. Watch at your own risk.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/19/kids-left-in-cars-psa_n_3623597.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Some days can be hard or stressful. There have been times when I am driving home from somewhere and think to myself. "Oh crap, we are out of milk." or that I really wished I had something or another. But if I am not willing to take every single child out of the car and in with me to a store or anywhere else, I am NOT going to go! Absolutely nothing in the whole wide world is worth the risk of leaving a child in a car. I don't care about the weather or the location or the circumstances. It can be such a pain in the ass to haul them all around but I just have to deal with that. I will never do it. And I probably won't ever watch this video again. My heart can't handle it.

The End:

Parenting is joy and sacrifice. Pleasure and pain. I take one day a step at a time. It's the best I can do.

Desperations of a Wounded Mother

Image from: http://lovejays.com/2013/10/08/struggling-with-depression/

I have been compelled to write this post. I will be as respectful as possible and am not looking to be a martyr. I just have feelings, thoughts and insights that I would like to share, based on a recent local news event. Specifically, an old high school class mate that has allegedly committed murder-suicide on herself and two young children, ages six and seven. The medical examiners are still wrapping things up, so there is still the tiniest bit of hope that the toxicology reports could refute these preliminary findings, but I will admit, my hopes are not high. This is quite tragic and has sent my mind spinning. I am saddened.

Let me begin by admitting I was not close with Stephanie Miskowiec Shields, or as I knew her, Steph. We were only acquaintances in high school and graduated together in the Class of '96. Our graduating class was nearly 600 and knowing everyone was rather impossible. I do remember her though, but have not seen her since. What I do remember is that she was a sweet girl, kind of quiet and petite. She had beautiful eyes that twinkled when she smiled and when she wore her hair up and pulled back from her face she was quite beautiful. She was friendly to me, although we just had the kind of relationship where you say "Hi, how are you?" in the hall at passing time and move on with your day. We had very few classes together, as our interests were very different: she loved Cross-Country anything and my world revolved around music and theatre. At 35 years old, looking back, this whole situation blows my mind. How could life have become so sad for Steph that this was the only way she felt she could cope? I am not expecting to ever be able to answer this question definitively.

There have been many murder-suicides at the hand of the mother over the last many years; Lashanda Armstrong, Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, Melanie Reyes and Mayra Perez, just to name a few. Most of us can not fathom what could possibly bring a mother to the edge so severely. In my mind I say that there is no way in the spectrum of the world that anything would ever make me take the lives of my children, no matter what. Now that Steph is gone and I can sort of say I knew someone who did this horrific thing, is it really fair of me to conclude my thoughts so absolute? Now, I can not bring myself to judge Steph as harshly as I have knee-jerk judged the other mothers in history who have done the same terrible thing. My mind had just been opened, not necessarily for the better.

In the last 35 years I have had my fair share of trials and tribulations. I have had my private desperate moments where I contemplated if it would just be better for everyone involved and easier on myself to give up, doubting my abilities, strengths and will, both before I had children and after. I have rarely spoken of these moments to anyone before because it is embarrassing and a little shameful when I admit weakness, but after watching the tornado of comments flying around on facebook, and the like, I feel strong enough to admit it, this is my way of respecting the memory of Stephanie. I am sure many of you out there have had a mental slip up or two and considered the possibilities. All alone, crying for hours, mind spinning out of control, maybe sitting curled up on the bathroom floor, afraid to move, just in case. Then again, maybe not. I will say that the thought of taking my childrens' lives has truly never once crossed my mind. Never. They are my world, my reason to live and walk upon this Earth. I believe I was put here for them, I was made to be their mother.

That being said, I know we are all made differently. I was able to push through my moments of despair. I have a very strong and supportive family. If anything were to ever happen to me, either self inflicted or not, my children would be taken care of. I also know that there are many factors to consider, when you are thinking about the possibility of not being around for your children anymore: who could afford to raise them properly, who would be willing to bear that burden for me, who would be able to show them unconditional love forever, would the children be able to mentally handle me not being here anymore and/or get the counseling and support they would desperately need to move on and grow into healthy and fulfilled individuals, the list of questions goes on and on. My only conclusion is that Steph possibly had no answers for these questions and made a sad decision. She must have truly felt, in that specific moment of turmoil, that she had absolutely no other choice. Right or wrong, feelings are real and can be poisonous and painful and sometimes, unbearable.

I can sit here and say that I would never ever do the same thing until I am blue in the face and I am fairly certain that this is truthful, but I also know that I never exactly walked a day in her shoes, I may have never felt as down and out as she must have felt. I have a different family and different friends. Our mental genetics are not the same. I can say from experience that I know full well what it is like to keep deep dark secrets. Last night while I was sad and thinking of Steph I peeked at her facebook profile. The pictures are numerous and they all appear so cheerful. Many photos of her and her two gorgeous children, all smiles on bright sunny days, doing family things together out on the boat and in a marathon of some sort. The appearance of fun and as if nothing could possibly be wrong. I have been there. I have presented myself as a happy and content person to the world in my past in order to hide what was truly going on at home and in my life, behind closed doors. I felt I was strong enough to get past it, I was woman enough to remain stoic and keep getting up everyday for my childrens' sake, I would stay in my situation forever just for their happiness. I did not last forever and ten years ago I had to make some serious life changes. This was by no means easy and I had one of my dark periods where I spent most nights after the children were asleep, sobbing uncontrollably, contemplating solutions...some darker than others. Somehow, someway, I made it through; Stephanie, and many many others did/do not.

I am sorry. Sorry for Steph and all the other mothers who caved in to their darkness, sorry for the families who will never know why, sorry for the public and all of their speculations, sorry for the husbands, estranged or not, this would/will be terribly difficult to get past. But, mostly, today, I am sorry for those two sweet ginger babies that have been taken so abruptly from their community, with no say whatsoever. My heart bleeds for them. The mothers probably couldn't think ahead to the mess they would leave, their brains being so distraught and overflowing with sadness. As mothers, they wouldn't have wanted for their children to be remembered this way. An irreversible mistake. I feel extreme empathy and my heart hurts. I will hug my children a little bit harder this evening. Hug yours for me, too.

Little Lies and Butterflies

Image from: http://61mg.com/images-of-butterflies.html

When my beautiful, tiny, two year old daughter spilled a little lie from her previously assumed innocent lips, I was in complete shock. Where and how do they learn how to fib so early? My first thought was that it couldn't have been from me because I do not lie to her; she must have learned how to at daycare or from the television or from any other number of influences. Then, about ten seconds later, I realized, nope, she probably did learn how to lie from me. I don't intentionally lie to her but most of us, as parents, do it all of the time just the same. Have you heard of a guy named Santa Claus or maybe the big furry Easter Bunny? Technically...lies. Or, have you ever said something so simple as, "Sorry Honey, the goldfish crackers are all gone. You will have to wait until dinner is ready for more food." Lie! There is almost always more goldfish crackers. We tell lies. Not about the big things but definitely about the little white things.

Back to her lie, I was in the kitchen with her while I was making dinner, peeling carrots over the garbage can. She held her little toddler hand out in the space between the carrot and the garbage can and asked, "Can I hold it, Mommy?" I replied, "No, Sweetie, I don't want you to get an owie on your finger and I'm cooking dinner." She looked up at me for a moment and then quickly turned and ran off into the living room shouting, "Daddy, Daddy!" I peeked around the wall to see what she was going to do. She ran straight into her Daddy's arms and said, "Daddy, Mommy hurt me." accompanied by a little bit of fake crying and all. Now, my husband knows that I would not hurt her and was intrigued by her statement so he asked her, "Oh, really? What did Mommy do?" Without hesitation she proceeded to tell him that I had shut her hand in the garbage can and even tried to get him to kiss it and make it all better. Really? She is two. So, Daddy walks her into the kitchen where we are all three together and we ask her again about what happened and she puts her sad face on, places her supposedly injured hand on her lower back and says, "Mommy hurt my back." What? Again, she's two.

Needless to say, we had to have a two year old version of the whole You-Shouldn't-Tell-Lies speech. We also now know that we have to watch this one just a little more closely. It does make me wonder what else she has told me that may not be entirely true. Ha!

She is so young. I know this is not a serious issue at the moment, but a curious one. I want to gently teach her about being truthful without squashing her beautiful imagination. She has such an amazing imagination. I love to hear what she comes up with. When I am giving her a bath I tell her to, "Look way up high, in the sky, so you don't get soap in your eyes." While she is looking up I ask her questions about what she sees in order to keep her distracted and looking up while I rinse the shampoo from her blonde hair. She tells me all about the butterflies and the birds, what colors they are and how many she sees. Some days it is big balloons and others it is airplanes and helicopters. I love it!

And there. Right there is the invisible line between little lies and imagination. I want her to tell me wild stories and invent things. I want her to see the big blue butterflies that magically appear from out of nowhere in the bathroom when she's in the tub. I want her to keep feeding me pretend tea and ham soup that appears to be on tap in her toy kitchen, in an endless supply, at that. It will just be another lesson for me. How to teach her when we need to be truthful and when is it okay to fib. And, most importantly, to never lose her imagination.


** If you enjoyed this post, here is another you might like, too: http://ginnylouden.blogspot.com/2011/12/say-youre-sorry_14.html

A day in the life...

Most of my days are full. I could always use more time. Others have asked me, as I have asked myself, why don't I exercise, sing in a band anymore or go to hosted parties to buy random jewelry, kitchen products or purses? Why don't I go shopping for the groceries and get it all out of the way so I can have the weekend off? Why can't I be a bit more spontaneous? Truthfully, most days I feel like I do not have the time or even the energy. For example, today I have been going nonstop for over thirteen hours and I can not begin to imagine running off to the gym to sweat it all out or stand around singing for a couple hours trying to be creative and inspiring. I do not feel as though I would be social enough to go and sit around making small talk with a room full of mostly strangers in order to buy something that I may or may not end up using. On occasion, I will go out and do different things during the week but most of the time I am just not up for it. Don't get me wrong. I am not asking anyone not to invite me because I know that each day is a new one and there is always going to be hope. I am also not saying that I do not desire to go and do all of these interesting activities. That would be silly. I want to be fun and social. I want to enjoy time away from home doing things with peers and family. I'm just tired.

A typical day for me begins at 7:00 A.M. I get up, get dressed and do the normal morning hygiene routines. I make sure my boys are on track for the morning. I see that they made a balanced bag lunch, that the necessary school items are being set by the front door and make sure that their teeth, hair and clothes are presentable enough and weather appropriate. I make sure our three pets had potty breaks and breakfast, too. I get the toddler out of bed and ready to go off to daycare. We are usually out the door between 7:50 A.M. and 8:00 A.M. My oldest usually walks to school and my middle child rides along with me to the daycare so we can drop off my sweet baby girl. Once at daycare, I pick up the daycare lady's son, who happens to be my eleven year old's best friend, and swing them by their school on my way to work where I clock in at 8:15 A.M.

I work a full eight hours with a half hour lunch break. I haven't had much down time at work since last May. I keep very busy, which is good. Sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe, though. Remember, I'm working on the whole "stress" thing. My lunch breaks are usually spent keeping up with my personal life organization. I pay bills online, check grades for the boys, make any calls or e-mails to who ever I may need to on any given day, like the vet or the squirrel removal people (don't ask). I make all the family medical appointments, fill out any forms or paperwork we may need done and anything and everything else I may need to do that I can squeeze into thirty minutes while eating something at the same time. Also, for the next few months I am actually leaving work two hours early on Thursdays to volunteer at my sons' school as their Destination Imagination coach. I am coaching two teams totaling seven kids.

After work I usually pick up the little one from daycare on my way home. Most of the time she is very happy to see me, but if she is in a cranky mood she is not. I get home between 5:00 P.M. and 5:10 P.M. Once in the front door I am greeted with three much needed hugs from the male members of my household. That is one of the highlights of my daily life. I also get to feel like Snow White as the animals come up to get their turns, too. I may or may not have to scold a son for not doing the chore they were assigned. I usually have to walk around and pick up miscellaneous items that have been left all over during the previous twenty four hours and get them near their proper places while making my way to my room in order to change into my comfortable clothes. Once I am changed it is time to cook dinner for the family. I do not always know what's for dinner, I make a lot of things up. I enjoy cooking most of the time. I find it very therapeutic and it feels so good to sit at the table with my loved ones and have a meal together while talking about our day. Although, there are days, every once in a while, when I just need to order a pizza.

After dinner we all clean up. There may be homework, projects, bubble baths, play time, etc. My baby girl is off to bed between 7:00 P.M. and 8:00 P.M. My boys have reading time in bed from 9:30 P.M. and 10:00 P.M. and then it is "lights out." By this time I am beat. I am lucky if I have the energy to squeeze in some bonding time with my husband. We may sit back to watch a show or movie, sit around and talk for a while or enjoy other things that married couples do. (wink) Some days I just want to curl up in my warm comfy bed and read a book until I fall asleep. Sigh.

I was joking with a girlfriend the other day. You know the shows on television that have to do with "Real Housewives of Whatever County"? I think we should have our own show about "The Real Housewives of Anoka County". It would probably be a very boring show. We all like each other, we don't back-stab one another, we live normal lives and have nice children. Our spouses are decent men and our jobs are real work. I don't think a network in the world would take the risk because our ratings would be so low. There is no drama or glamour, no money or fame. This is all in jest, of course, but I thought it was pretty funny. Who would want to sit around and watch me be me for an hour while I chill on my couch and blog. Ha! Because honestly, that is all I have the energy for tonight.

Game on!

If you have children and you do not have a family game night on a regular basis, I highly recommend it. My husband and I started this a few years ago with our family and it has been a huge success. Game Night is a great way to bond, stay involved and just have some silly time with the kids. Let down your hair and show them that not every night is about chores and homework and being to bed on time. That little something to look forward to together. The plan was so simple. My boys go to their father's house for visitation every other weekend so we decided to play our games every other Friday night when we have them. First, we have a sit-down-at-the-table dinner together and then we rotate who's turn it is to pick which game we enjoy for the evening. There are four of us so that means we each get to choose what we are going to play about every eight weeks. On every tenth game night we go out and purchase a new game for our collection, which adds up to around two games a year. That Game Night does not count as any one's turn since we play the new game instead. Next Friday night will be our seventieth Game Night! In the summer time we do not get to play every other week because the schedule gets very busy. There are lots of baseball games and practices, extra visitations with the boys' father, at least one week of summer camp at F.P.Y.C. and sleepovers dispersed here and there. We have to be a bit more flexible in the summers.

The games we play are mostly board games. We try to keep the video games to a minimum, maybe for special occasions. Any game goes. I can think of only one time we had to say no to a game choice. It was when I was about eight months pregnant with our daughter and my eleven year son old came out holding Twister in his hands. I'm sure you can understand why we had to veto that choice. No hard feelings.

This Christmas we made sure to get a few toddler friendly games back into the house. Our daughter actually turned two today and we are going to start adding her into the family fun whenever possible. I think the best way to do it will be to play a small game with her right after dinner and then when she goes off to bed we can move on to the big kid game for the evening. I can't wait to get her involved in all the fun.

Usually it is just our family playing but we do have guests join us every once in a while. I feel it is important to keep the Fridays mostly just us so that there are no distractions keeping our focus from the children, seeing as this was the whole point to begin with. It is nice to be able to share our experience with others though. For example, we had not been able to hang out with some very good friends of our in quite a while. We had been saving a couple bottles of Saki we had received as a gift years ago and specifically wanted to share them with these particular friends. We were able to make a night of it. I made homemade stir fry and they brought over some sushi. The kids were able to try new things and we were allowed to catch up with our friends. It was a great time for everyone. I was very impressed to see my boys actually try the sushi. So cool.

I love building these memories together. I don't want to take these nights we share for granted. As the kids grow up and become busy with their own activities and friends, we may have to make some changes. I know this already and am giving myself ample time to mentally prepare. I will keep the tradition going for our family as long as possible. It has been so great for us. I am hoping to still be having a form of Game Night even after the kids move out, move on and begin their own families. I am sure it will not be every other week but still something we can do whenever we can. Who knows, maybe my children will have enjoyed it enough to incorporate it into their own households many years from now. That would fell pretty good. That would make me very happy.

Another Hurricane Christmas

You know it is coming. You have time to prepare. Still the torrent of wrapping paper, clouds of powdered sugar and cinnamon and endless swarms of e-mails, cards, texts and visits just sneek up behind you. And I am beat. Worth all of the trouble? Yes. Would I do it all again? Absolutely. Am I tired? Um, yeah.

Christmas in my world can get sort of complicated. Between me and my husband, we have four pairs of parents that we need to coordinate with during the holidays. Four of my five brothers and I also squeeze in a Christmas cookie baking day with our children, ten little cousins in all. We did this on the 11th of December. One of my brothers lives in Japan and therefore can't make it to all of these events. In the midst of all this holiday madness, I somehow found time to make homemade cards, bake cookies for charity, begin coaching my sons' Destination Imagination team at school, look for my beautiful six year old cat who went missing when a window blew open while we were not home, take on new projects at work, go out a couple of times with some girlfriends and try to keep up with my daily life. No wonder I worry that I'm developing a case of shingles. Ha!

 This season we went to my father's house first, on the 19th of December. There we enjoyed a delicious Cuban food dinner with three of my brothers and their families along with a couple of my father's wife's children and their families too. Christmas Eve was spent at my husband's mother's house. We celebrated with her, her husband and my husband's Great Aunt from his father's side of the family...a long story for another time. We were treated to an amazing prime rib dinner and our three children began the whirlwind of presents that come their way each year. The presents part can be tricky, too. Teaching the children to be grateful and not greedy. Polite and respectful. To not be expecting anything and be pleasantly surprised when there is something. When it just keeps coming from so many directions year after year after year, it can be quite a task. I feel like I am doing a good job keeping things in perspective for them. There is always going to be a little self-doubt though, I think. Time will tell.

One condition of spending Christmas Eve away from my own home is that I want to be home with my children by no later than 7:00 P.M. Over the years I have met some resistance from family members but I have tried to stay strong and stand my ground. I am in no way trying to be rude or disrespectful. I can not control how I am interpreted. As a mother, a lover of tradition and a wife, it is important to me to have the wind down time with my children and husband. We do the whole thing: cookies and milk set out for Santa right next to a carrot for the reindeer, read The Night Before Christmas together cuddled up on the couch, look out the window to see if Santa is up in the sky yet, perhaps with a little red light that may be Rudolph's nose. It is precious time. It can not be replaced or redone. I will not compromise much. It is our turn, my husband and I, to build these memories and traditions with our children. Our parents were allowed to do so when we were little and now it is our time.

And that is exactly what we did. It was adorable. We will never forget it.

Christmas morning started out quite early. My eleven year old actually set his alarm for 5:30 A.M. and my thirteen year old didn't stop him. They share a room, you see. We do have a rule that they can't come downstairs before 6:00 A.M. and that is what time I heard the boys come thundering down. I, of course, knew they had huge stockings to keep them busy, so I let myself sleep one more hour. Then, I gently nudged my hubby to let him know we had to get out of bed so we could wake up the two year old together. She woke up very happy. One pot of coffee later, we were done opening our presents and sat around and played. I made french toast and scrambled eggs. This leads us up to the hardest part of my Christmas schedule. The custody kind. My two boys always have the switch between their father and I at 11:00 A.M. on Christmas morning. We alternate every other year who gets the Eve and who gets the Day. Just one of those many things that happen as a result of a relationship gone south and children are involved. One of the forever consequences.

Once the boys left, the three of us had to get ready to go. Our first stop of the day being just over a half hour away to visit my husband's father and his long time girlfriend. The ride there did not go so well since our two year old had a bout of car sickness and made a little bit of a mess. It was sad to see but we eventually made it and were able to do a load of laundry, including the car seat cover and straps. A couple hours later, with bellies full of warm chili and homemade bread, we were off to the next stop. Another half hour drive brought us to my Mom's doorstep where she and her partner were hosting an Italian feast.  My brothers and their families were there too. Very busy home and really delicious food. It was a good day but by 6:30 P.M. our daughter had had quite enough stimulation for one day and needed to get home. So that is where we took her, straight home. Straight to bed.

Whew! A movie on the couch snuggling with my Love and we called it a night. Wake up bright and early the next day and head off to work for my average Monday. The hurricane has passed...for now.

Say you're sorry.

We tell this to our children all the time. In those exact words? Maybe when they are little. As they get older we get more creative and maybe slip into a bit of a lecture. But let's face it, when they get older and you have to say again the thing you have been saying, nearly daily, all this time, you need to get a little more specific. Why should they say they are sorry? Interesting question, thanks for asking. Maybe they smacked Mommy on the back with their hand during a terrible two tantrum, maybe they knocked the side mirror off the passenger side of your car while dragging the garbage can down the driveway or maybe they just forgot to call you after school to tell you they were home safe and you don't have to keep glancing up at the clock on the wall at work and have the most awful scenarios running through your brain at a mile a minute while trying to keep your cool and stay focused on work. The reason is not as important as you may think. The lesson they learn from admitting a mistake and dealing with it timely and appropriately is the key. The best way to show them is, of course, by example. Tell your kids you are sorry. It might not be easy but it is oh so important. I didn't realize this until a few years ago and I felt much better when I did. It is not their fault if I had a rough day at work, came home all wound up and raised my voice at them over some stupid little thing. I apologized. It is not their fault that I bought a second puppy and two years later conceded that it was a poor decision for our family and had to give him up. I apologized. How specific are the apologies? That depends on the situation. You must be honest, or at least as honest as their age deems appropriate. "I am sorry I yelled at you. I had a really bad day at work. I am feeling upset about it but I am not angry with you. I love you very much and I will try not to do that again." "I am sorry we had to give away our dog. The life he had with us was unfair and he deserves a better home. I love him very much too and that is why I have to make this hard decision. Grown ups make mistakes too. This is a hard lesson for all of us and when you are older and consider getting your own pet, hopefully you will remember my mistake and how we all feel. Pets are a big responsibility and you need to be as sure as possible when you commit to them."

I hate to be wrong. I really do. If I expect my kids to apologize, I need to respect them enough to do the same.