2014 was the year that I finally had the courage to just go for it. I mean, I had already died my long lovely locks permanent black over a year before because I was very committed to my 2013 Halloween costume...Morticia Addams. If there was ever going to be a "good time" to try out short hair, this was it. After about twenty five years with a similar long hairstyle and at least a whole year of thinking about cutting it all off, it was time to put up or shut up.
I decided I didn't want to shut up. I wanted to do something. I needed...something. Looking back I know now why I did it. It came to me about halfway through this journey. I am always saying no. I am always sacrificing myself for my children and for others...as mothers and many caretakers by nature do. I would not change this about myself ever but I still felt like I had no control, in a way, over anything anymore. Life was getting too heavy and the weight of it was hurting me. By cutting off my hair I was able to feel a kind of freedom that I hadn't had in a very long time. It was almost as if I was being slowly renewed all year long.
Now, I love long hair. It just feels right. When I picture myself for any reason ever...I have long hair. I know down to my core that I will have long white hair when I am an old lady. It is the only way that I can imagine it. But, I have always enjoyed living vicariously through others short hair dos. Other women made it look so cute and effortless. I always thought that with my face shape I would be crazy to try anything too short or drastic with my own hair. But, short hair just looked so darn fun. And if I wanted long hair again someday I should probably hurry up and get it over with so that I would have plenty of time to grow it all back out nice when I'm done playing with it, right?
So, here I am, early 2014. My favorite way to wear my hair was a large messy braid to the side just a little. I miss being able to do this so much. I will have it back...but not black. I got that hair color out of my system. Enjoyed it very much though. Made me feel just a little bit more bad ass.
|February 28th, 2014|
Here is one more just for fun. I like how it was shiny silky straight in this one. Went almost to my chair when I sat. Rockin' the look for my hubby's band gig at Whiskey Junction.
March 25th, on a Tuesday night, I grabbed a good friend, we went for a shot of liquid courage and then to my (gasp!) hair appointment.
Not that long after...Eek! Enough to donate even. It felt so different and so light. Within one day I could already feel a difference in my neck muscles. A pleasant but unplanned surprise. (And don't look now...But Holy Roots Batman!)
About two months later I had my second haircut, about the length to my chin. Went a tiny bit shorter than the first time, which brushed my shoulders. I decided in the beginning to take this whole process as slow as I needed to. I wanted the full experience of short hair but I also didn't want to regret anything and be depressed about my appearance. I mean, come on, as a mother who has birthed five children, there is plenty to be physically unhappy about. I don't need to add my hair to the list. Ha! This second haircut was actually my favorite one from the whole year. It felt closer to the real me compared to all of the other ones...not including my long hair, of course.
|August 6th, 2014|
I had come that far...and felt braver still. Why not go crazy and expose the back of my neck to the world? This haircut felt fun... and sassy. It only looked this cute for a couple of days though. The amount of time the stylist took in order to make my hair look this good was a little disturbing. I barely have time to brush my teeth every day. There is no way I could keep up with this for any length of time. Seriously. Before this whole short hair escapade my hair maintenance routine was basically to wash it every three days or so and brushing it out after it had dried. Then, keeping the knots and snarls down to a minimum to achieve maximum sexy rock star bed head hair. But, mostly just pulled back in a ponytail or bun because, you know, kids n' stuff.
|September 27th, 2014|
Now, I was on a roll and feeling rather unstoppable so...bleach blonde happened. Yay! And then I shaved the left side off during the cancer charity benefit I hosted last September for sweet Ashlyne. I am glad that I had already begun my short hair journey by this time because I was able to show my support in this way but also know that if I had still had my long hair, I most likely wouldn't have had the guts to do it for her. Now I had the guts.
|October 20th, 2014|
Years ago I NEVER would have imagined I would EVER have hair short enough to slick back sexy like Jaime Lee Curtis...but, there I was, getting all dolled up for the Pearl Jam concert with my hubby and thought, "Here's my chance!" I felt like a different woman. And by this time it wasn't just on the outside, but on the inside as well. I had a confidence again. I was getting my groove back. And, I was still so angry with 2014 but, felt like I might just be able to go out kicking. I was...Alive.
|November 15th, 2014|
Then, November rolled around. The shaved side was starting to grow out a little unevenly and the holidays were right around the corner so...I got one last haircut. One last short do to get me through. Brought the sides closer to a similar length in the hopes that the growing it all back out process goes smoothly. So, there it is.
My journey is complete and I am pleased with the results...not the physical hair results but rather what I gained in knowledge about myself, my strength, my drive. I was not expecting that at all. But what do ya' know? Here I am. A little wiser.
|Today January 20th, 2015|
By: Pearl Jam
"Son," she said, "Have I got a little story for you
What you thought was your Daddy was nothin' but a
While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen
Your real Daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him but I'm glad we talked"
Oh I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey, I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Oh, she walks slowly, across a young man's room
She said, "I'm ready for you"
"I can't remember anything to this very day 'cept the look, the look
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare"
I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Hey I, boy, I'm still alive
Hey I, I, I'm still alive, yeah
Ooh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh
"Is something wrong?", she said
Well of course there is, "you're still alive," she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be?
Is that the question? And if so, if so, who answers, who answers?
I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh I'm still alive
Hey I, oh I'm still alive