When I created this blog over a year ago, I knew it was going to be all about me, my life and my family. An online diary in order to be creative and share my thoughts, ideas and experiences from my own life so others can relate to and understand me a little bit better; what is it like to be a mother, wife, daughter, friend and so much more. Learning from life as I go, making mistakes, trying new things, always with the intention of evolving and continuing to strive to be a better mother and so on. We all wear many different hats in our lifetimes and I feel I have good examples to share in relation to that. Mostly, my readers have just been close family and friends, maybe a handful of strangers. I don't expect people to read my posts but I will admit, I am tickled pink when they do. My most recent post, earlier this week, has brought on an unintended and overwhelming response. In the last 48 hours I have received over 1700 hits, that's nearly as many as I have had during the previous 15 months combined. I also discovered I was mentioned by name and part of my post was cited on the Minnesota Public Radio website. I am quite emotional about this. I am feeling both flattered and somber.
I have grown to love writing. At first I did not think I would be very good at it but have enjoyed the challenge. It has given me a much needed release and can be quite therapeutic. I don't get much me time, down time or quiet time nowadays, as a mother of five children. Writing is my "me time." The other day I was feeling saddened and pensive. I decided to write about how I was feeling and what I was thinking; my way of coping with and trying to understand a troubling event that was on my mind. I felt that I could relate in my own way while possibly giving my small group of readers another point of view, as the public and the media seemed very one sided and judgmental on the issue. Apparently, I struck a nerve. My handful of readers felt the need to share my thoughts and it spread like wild fire from there. I am flattered that my readers felt that my written words were worthy of sharing with others but I also have a tinge of guilt that it had to come on the heels of such a tragedy. The comments have been mostly positive and I have been moved to tears more than once this week. I have received many thank yous from complete strangers. They say I am brave and honest, eloquent and compassionate. Someone asked me if I realized that I gave the subjects of my writing a voice. Until they asked me that, I had not. I guess that's what writers do, give someone or something a voice. Live and learn.
Now, I have been contacted by the media. They want to know if I would be willing to do an on camera interview. After reading my blog, they are supposedly interested in my perspective as a mother and a blogger. They say that my point of view has not been fairly represented by the media in the past and that my recent blog post was a refreshing change from the norm. I am feeling very hesitant. I know how words can get twisted and sentences can be cut short in order to manipulate a story. I do not want to be their puppet. I also know that I am angered by all of the snap judgements circulating out there, the speculations and the hatred. I have tentatively agreed to meet with the reporter tomorrow, Friday, but on my own terms. I would only speak of myself and my own experiences. I do not wish to show my face; I am not looking to acquire fame or notoriety at the expense of anyone else's pain. I will not disrespect the many families over the years who have chosen to remain silent on their own issues. I will respect their choice. Were I to be in their shoes, I would want to be left alone, in order to grieve, to heal and to move on. They deserve peace.
If the reporter does call me tomorrow and I feel like allowing him into my home, my intention is to make sure the interview remains about me, my experiences with depression, my ups and downs as a mother and why I blog, how I process. I am fairly confident I can keep on point and not be coerced into saying things I do not want to or do not mean. They have promised to only show my hands typing at my computer with just my voice. I would love some feed back from my readers on this, preferably before 9:00 AM, roughly 12 hours from now. Ultimately, I will decide for myself but I am opening myself up to comments, thoughts and suggestions from all of you. How do you feel about me being interviewed? Do you trust me? Do you care? Things like that.
Going forward, I will continue to write from my heart. I will continue to write for myself. I will continue to share my writings with others, it's up to them if they want to read it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to those of you that do.